In 2013 one of my articles appeared at Geek’s Guide to People Skills. Let’s get down to business with it!
Mark Dykeman, an online blogger who no longer maintains his Mighty Introvert Blog, has an appropriate metaphor for what happens to the introvert in groups or parties after a while. He says that too much of other people is like kryptonite for introverts: the Kryptonite fictional element is from the Superman tale. In the tale, kryptonite is created from the remains of Superman’s native planet of Krypton, and has detrimental effects on Superman and other Kryptonians.
Today kryptonite can be a synonym for Achilles’ heel, the one weakness for someone. For introverts one kind of Kryptonite is not being much for groups or parties that go on and on.
How Do You Manage Your Introvert Kryptonite
Yet, in business and life, there’s a good deal of communicating going on.
Why do business people network? Mostly to find connections for a job, an employee, a customer, a partner or even resources.
Why do people network socially? To connect with friends and family, to deepen or broaden those relationships or even for, resources.
In both kinds of networking, there will be those who want to further connect – just more intimately, in a one to one conversation.
The direction from the larger group for anyone is toward smaller group connection. As introverts we do better in one to one. If we can approach such things as conferences or networking events knowing that one-to-one is where such a meeting might lead to, then we know that from the get go we can start to narrow down who those people might be.
And for extroverts who find themselves thriving in a larger group, know that eventually, if there is an attraction on some level, then you will go toward one-to-one in your own time. So your kryptonite can be in sight as you move toward more intimate communications.
This usually unspoken natural direction of large group functions or events, actually puts the introvert in an advantageous position because all roads lead to Rome – a small or one to one relationship. And that’s where as introverts; we can leave the kryptonite behind.
Realize that since introverting or extroverting is a preference, that it’s sometimes just knowing that a particular preference can lead to different actions even in communications than might be expected. You either have the kryptonite sooner or later.
This is an excerpt from my Kindle book, The Happy and Fulfilled Introvert: I Can Show You How to Make this a Reality.
Have you learned who you are? Introvert or extrovert?
What’s your kryptonite?
Pat —
As an extrovert my kryptonite is networking in large gatherings, too. It’s pretty daunting to show up at a networking event with a roomful of noisy people trying to make connections. My rule is don’t try to work the whole room. If you can make one really good connection then the event was a success.
Most interesting coming from an extrovert Jeannette. Actually, I guess for an introvert it could even be a small gathering. After all, two is too much and one is just fine! They are all kryptonites this introvert has to manage better.
Pat, Your posts are interesting because I’ve never thought about being an introvert or an extrovert.I just am that way I am in a particular moment. Thinking from a different perspective is a good thing it fosters brain activity. I feel the synapses firing away every time I read one of your posts. Perhaps from practicing Yoga I’ve come to an understanding about myself that feeling discomfort either in a large or small group is ok, it’s just being uncomfortable.. I’ve found when I feel uncomfortable in a group it’s because my focus is external. I’m worried about how I’m being perceived or if I’m doing a good job. When that happens I re- focus on my breath and try to find “comfort” in the discomfort. So I guess sometimes I’m an introvert and sometimes I not. You know like an Almond Joy bar.
Pamela thanks. Actually I’m more of what you describe which also has a label to it to clarify understanding and keep us on the same page: ambivert. I do however like your Almond Joy label. I’m still working on always feeling comfort in the discomfort. That is one of my most difficult lessons.
Walking into any kind of group situation whether it be large or small is definitely my group Kryptonite. After that first wave of dread, I usually do okay. It also helps to find someone who is really outgoing because then I feed of of their energy. I like to be extroverted in situations I am comfortable in, so I work hard to focus on moment and remind myself a good number of people in the room feels various levels of the same thing.
I love how you said that Jeri: feed off of an outgoing (more extroverted) energy. That actually does often help for sure. Kryptonite be gone!
I hated networking at first. Now I realize that it’s not about me! Imagine! I find someone or a group that looks like they could use another person to talk to and compliment someone. That gets the talking going and it moves on easily from there.
Compliments. I forget which one of my introvert blogger friends talks about using compliments. And she had a particular phrase she used for her parting words to someone new she met. You might like this Beth: “It was lovely meeting you.” I just love that. Talk about leaving someone in a better place than what they were in before they met you.
Even for the sometimes extroverted, it can be sometimes intimidating walking into a room full of people. Especially when that roomful of people is already in groups networking. Can be awkward. I like Beth’s tip, which I use sometimes too, and that’s to compliment someone to start a conversation. Everyone loves to be complimented. 🙂
This is an interesting finding for me Susan: that extroverts sometimes can also feel that way in walking into a crowd of people.
I just came from a workshop with room full of people and I saw there few people moving from desk to desk, trying to figure out about the topic that was under discussion and complete the questionnaire. At the end it was figured out that their performance was really poor.
But the people who worked with selective group of people and remain with them throughout the discussion came up with the answers that were much better than those as well who were working alone.
But here I also noticed that, the group should be motivated with same goals otherwise the discussion and networking will not be fruitful.
Here I also agree with Susan that all love to rewarded or admired for efforts. It counts a lot to give to a push to do even better and achieve goals.
I think walking into small group will be my group Kryptonite.
What a fabulous anecdote of evidence of small groups Andleeb. Even better you got to experience such an event.
It’s funny…when I was much younger one of my favorite things was going to a party where I knew no-one. I would mix and mingle and have a great time. Now, going anywhere where I know nobody is like a nightmare and I will inevitably meet no-one in the process of this nightmare. Once I leave I can sigh with relief.
I don’t know of any research about this Tim. Just many more extroverted people have shared with me they have become more introverted as they get older. Even me as an ambivert-introvert, I’m more introverted these days. Either age or something in those natural artificial sweeteners.
You may be right Patricia…Splenda
I do have kryptonite as an introvert, my cure is my superman. I have mentioned this before; I utilize an alter ego, as a result from my wrestling and acting days. He is not an introvert, so truly when it is needed, I let him come out and act the part of an extrovert/
Superman! You have your own superman who IS the cure to kryptonite. Now that is something for sure William that makes me ask – do you have a cape?
Being mainly extrovert I can sometimes feel overwhelmed in large groups of people I don’t know. Have done it all over the world and, honestly, sometimes I just don’t feel like starting to talk to new people. And, seriously, how many of the people we meet at such events are really fantastic new connections? Have met remarkable people who have made a difference in my life. But the majority have been for the birds.