Thank you, cousin Barry Weber for your thoughts on there’s no future in the past. After you take 3 minutes and 18 seconds to read this, I’ve included the Vince Gill song version of There’s No Future in the past, as it Fits Widowhood.
Somedays, we just have had enough! The constant feeling of our loss is always inside us and always will be. The feelings are upfront and center… for me; it’s at bedtime or sitting beside me while driving. We feel and do as best we possibly can. I think, to put it into words, the lyrics of the song by the soft rock group America, “The Horse with No Name,” comes to mind… “We wander through the desert like a horse with no name” as part of our daily lives.
For that matter, nobody seems to really understand, even our immediate family. Soon we come to realize that it’s never over and never will be; we’ve become “wanderers” as such, widowers, we are double reminded when we see… “Please Check the Box Below which Applies.” Although I fully understand, and it’s necessary, it is always a subtle reminder. “Please, give us a break!” Some days it’s just a little much and always at the wrong time.
But I’ve found a helpful solution, in addition to the words of Psalm 23:4 quoted above.
I had to remember God is with us and will enter our Hearts if we LET Him. He’s been there all the time; sometimes, we become so full and overwhelmed we forget about Him. I just didn’t feel Him again until I opened the Door again, after the loss of my wife. Then I sought His guidance once again. You see…
This past Fall, I got in one of those “Gotta get-away-moods…Space-Time” to try and sort things out in my mind about immediate family. Like me, we reach out to just “talk and remember good times.” In some cases, close family or not, sooner or later, our psychological thought process engages, stimulated by their response which is anything from “yea” to no response at all, in ANY form. Some are more fortunate, and I say lovely. To others, we seek a solution, “for thou art with me.”
So, I had an Executive Staff Meeting with myself and my “Subordinate Feelings Staff.” Conclusion,” get out of “Dodge” and go somewhere, not luxurious, just quiet and different. So, the plan became a random spot in….” Almost Heaven,” West Virginia, not far from where I live. The area in the picture above is on the edge of the “Ice Age Forest,” like me, near Marlinton, WV. At 4,530 feet above sea level, it was destined to be as close as I could to have a much-needed talk with God and my Wife.
After a few smiles, laughs over beautiful memories, and tears, the pressure seemed somewhat relieved.
Still thinking, I then took a walk on the edge trail and sat a little longer watching wildlife; I saw a few deer, a family or flock of wild turkeys, and the ever comic of the woods…the chipmunk, as all they seem to do is chase, play and eat! They always seem happy. The point is, I think, we must learn from nature, God’s, animals, and the closeness of their families. For some reason, we don’t. We are so centered on ourselves.
We, as widowers, probably understand this more than anyone… we’ve lost our mate, and that’s at the core of our deep feelings about everything. We can never forget we “walk through the valley of death; we feel no evil, for though art with me, thy rod and thy staff will comfort me,” I think we must remember this Verse. Like the families in the forest, the loss of one affects all, but they come together and move on. They know “there is no Future in the Past.”
How do we get the message out about family and losses?
Just one more applicable comment, unfortunately, unlike the forest, man has been at war, in some form, from Genesis 1. How do we get the message out about family and losses? We pray for them. I must admit, the trip did me well. I came back a little refreshed, open-minded and I intend to take another. “Time Out” even for a day, is highly recommended. Go somewhere totally different for a change of scenery and a thought or two about the good times.
So, after six years, some of us with even many more, it’s still yesterday and will be yesterday forever till we are called. For the friends I have on our same ship, we move on one day at a time, and for those that retain this almost, “like indifference,” as I have, and others have said many times, “There will come a time when both Chairs are Empty, and they will think, “I wish I had….”
In conclusion, my bucket list goes on. We, who, not of our choice, carry the “widowed” checkmark, need to continue looking at tomorrow and this year’s Daffodils’ that are just about sixty days away!
Guest post by Barry E. Weber, Bruceton Mills, West Virginia
Here’s a song, There is No Future in the Past, by Vince Gill
Wow, Barry! What an astounding message to help us get through those particularly sad times, when we miss that person in our life and we don’t know what the heck to do! We can stay stuck which is the worst situation.
Thanks for this, and your other guest post, How Do We Grow on Our Own as Widows and Widowers.
If you have taken the time to read this, There’s No Future in the past Fits Widowhood, please, share it with other widows and widowers you know.