One editor reviewing my book commented on chapter eight: “Negotiations is something which brings out the confidence out in the open and right in front of you.”
Wow.
Chapter 8 of Communication Toolkit for Introverts is all about using more of what the introvert has going for them than not, for better outcomes in win-win negotiations.
Negotiations happen everyday in business.
Maybe you want a bigger salary.
Or you have your eye on a corner office.
You have a conflict with someone else who wants to take vacation the same time you do.
What comes to your mind as an everyday business negotiation?
It’s likely those situations would put the more introverted in a stronger position than they realize.
Yes; you know I’m biased toward this. However, the more introverted tendencies to be prepared, think things through, listening more and being quiet have enormous positive influence.
Let’s just take this one tendency of being quiet and what it means to effective results in negotiating. In the chapter you’ll discover how each tendency can help at different stages in the process.
When we are non-stop talking through conversation, we leave little or no time for either ourselves or the other person to take a breath, and think about what they want to say next. Or the lack of silence might mean an important question that pops up for you, or the other person, goes unasked.
Have you ever had a question you have go unasked, only to discover the answer was important to your next step or decision?
Think about how you might play checkers, or chess.
You are “negotiating” your next move. You are not usually rushed even if there is a time limit on the game. This is important if you want to make the next move.
Negotiating is often about the next move. But you can’t take the next best step if you are just running to the end game.
Negotiating does not have to be “I win, you lose.”
Regardless of the strength of our introvert tendencies, make no mistake we improve our chances from some extroverting.
– We might have to keep our emotions in check. If we let them escalate, well wow, we stand a high chance of exhausting our energy.
– Research shows extroverts have an extra need for additional stimulation. It’s highly likely they thrive in the back and forth of negotiations. We’ll want to have some different means of direct communications to manage our energy to stay the course.
– Assertiveness is not about being dominant, but more about drawing in our confidence from preparation with facts, questions and understanding. Introverts – assert to push yourself to stay the course for what you want.
When you get to this chapter, as the format is for the others, you’ll start with a personal assessment, move through what are the pieces to the process which call for us to bring our best to the situation, and end with ideas to think about for putting an action plan together.
How confident are you about your negotiating for a win-win?
What do you do in the process to get to a win-win outcome?
Sign up now with other introverts who want to know more about how to have their voice heard in every day business situations. You’ll get a free report in the process, 21 Ways to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone.
httpss://patriciaweber.leadpages.net/ctifirsttoknow/
I so agree, negotiation doesn’t have to be a win lose proposition. Taking time to discern the next move is so important for anyone, especially an introvert. Learning not to rush or be rushed in that process is key determining the next move. I do try to slow down, especially when I’m pushed, take a deep breath and relax. It really helps me organize and process the information before I move forward. 🙂
That’s so true Susan: discern the next move. I think that is where introverts could more easily manage to make things win-win.
Good video, Pat!
Agree with you that it’s essential to listen in negotiations. That way you find out what they want and by asking questions you can make the other person convince her/himself.
Being Swedish I’m used to the win-win system that my country favours. I know it’s different in most other countries and cultures but it works all over the world. However, if you are dealing with a predator you will have a hard time negotiating with him because he will do anything to be the one and only winner.
I’m not certain I could make that same claim of the USA Catarina: win-win attitude. I know it exists elsewhere like in your country so that, is encouraging for the long run.
I find that most people agree with the win-win theory, but in reality they go for the jugular making the whole thing moot! Win-win to them appears to be win for me, and you’ll see…you’ll be okay (so as not to really use the ‘lose’word) Analytic thinking has always been my best weapon in negotiations, but I have to say that empathy plays an important role too. I REALLY don’t want the other guy walking away feeling defeated…i understand how that feels. That’s where listening is so important. Often what they say they want, you know in your gut is just not exactly what they want. The predator? I walk away if I can 🙂 They are more interested n a conquest than a real deal.
So now Jacqueline, we need to translate theory into reality. I totally can relate to be the defeated one and so I focused on learning the win-win way. Thanks.
I loved your video, well done. I think the problem with communications with anyone in daily life or business, whether negotiated or getting information, most of us tend not listen. We want to get out our ideas and thoughts. When you are negotiating and make it a win win situation for all, everyone goes away feeling good and that they made the right decision.
Did you read my chapter Arleen? LOL. Yes; on average we listen less than we – talk, write, speak or any one of those activities, on their own. Thanks.
Hi Patricia. I believe that “on the level” is sound negotiating advice for any personality. Listening is always the foundation of a win-win and if one wishes to do further business with the same party a win-win is the only desirable outcome
Thanks Paul. Listening is foundational to most solid communications of any kind. Thank you, for listening.
Introverts are more likely to find that Win / Win solution because they do listen and pay attention. Make no mistake, though, an introvert knows how to do Win / Lose if they have no other choice. Love the video! Glad you wrote everything out because it was difficult to hear your voice.
I’m so sorry about the video sound Cheryl. I’m thinking I just need to cut out the music background. I tried using the YouTube options for add music, at the lowest volume, but not so hot. THANKS.
I signed onto the theory that a win-win is the best route many years ago when I had an importing business. My suppliers were all in Asia and often negotiations started out as a game to be won or lost but over time earning trust and ensuring both sides were happy with the outcome was far more valuable.
When all parties are happy Tim, it is a win win. It’s getting to that turn in the conversation that we want to get better at. Thanks.
Negotiation is most effective when the outcome is a win/win situation. I believe it is important for everyone to think things through very carefully during a negotiation. An introvert may benefit form biding time during a negotiation and creating some quiet space to think things through for before taking a stand or making any solid decisions.
Michele I think in general we have this notion about negotiating being fast talking and hard handshaking. I agree about it being important to think things through, for everyone. Thanks.
Well, I am definitely not an introvert at all, but do subscribe to the win-win approach and active listening. There is also compromise when negotiating. Something many people have a difficult time doing that. If one is seen as a reasonable person, is willing to give a little, the changes of another transaction are higher plus – you may get a reputation for being a pleasant person to do business with – the ultimate goal, in my opinion.
You’re one savvy extrovert or ambivert Laurie! Thanks.
This really struck a chord: “Assertiveness is not about being dominant, but more about drawing in our confidence from preparation with facts, questions and understanding. Introverts – assert to push yourself to stay the course for what you want.” It took me years to learn that, but once I did, I became soooo much more comfortable in my introvert skin.
Hi Patricia – I am not an introvert but do believe, during negotiations or for that matter in most life situations, to be an active listener and to take the time to think things through. I do not think negotiating needs to be a contest for the I win, you lose title. There is no reason both parties can’t walk away feeling they’ve negotiated the best deal possible.
Lenie
Excellent post Pat, and really brings home that introverts may indeed have the upper hand in situations – negotiation being just one. Much better to take a step back, be mindful of what you are saying and then step up. Blustering through won’t help anyone. And I completely agree that negotiation can be a win-win.ps. my latest post is not the Chekhov post just click on my blog and the new one will come up. Not sure what’s going on with commentluv these days, but come across this a couple of times where it doesn’t recognize a latest post.
Negotiations help create a win win situation. At the same listening skills are important. In Some eastern cultures, people often don’t speak a lot and have long silences as they are using the time to think before replying. It’s important to know these cultural differences when negotiating with them.
One of the best lines I have ever heard was “If you are thinking about what to say next while the other person is talking, then you are not actively listening.” I truly believe that listening is one of the most crucial skills an individual may develop, and the benefits of this will last a lifetime.
When I invest the time in others, and listen to what they are saying, I gain this sudden confidence that I can handle anything. With proper preparation, just the right amount of patience, and a keen ear for listening, anyone introvert or otherwise may negotiate a win-win effectively.
Hi! I watched your video and that is cool that you got interviewed on tv! You did well with your interview and didn’t even bat an eye. I have had to pause before I react. it is important to pause and think about your next thought. I have been that person who has blurted out something and wish I could take it back. I do think always being friendly and smiling always is the best policy. Great post and good luck on your book! =)
So if you won’t speak no one would know what you want. This is the basic spirit of negotiation. If you want to make the things done the way you want you must let others know about your idea. Nothing is offering in this without demanding it.
I am much impressed after reading your post and just wrote these thoughts without second thought. This is the quality of your post which made me speak without any preamble.
Hi Patricia Weber
This is first time I visited your blog and much envious of the quality of your contents. I don’t think I can stop myself to come here again. You are an awesome writer and blogger. 🙂
Pat — too many people treat negotiations like warfare. I have a friend going through a divorce and the mediator is supposed to be helping negotiate a fair settlement, but even a mediator can cave when one of the parties is a big bully, as is the case in my friend’s situation. You can’t negotiate without the good faith efforts of both parties.
How can you lose when everyone wins? That ability to plan, listen and reflect may make that outcome more likely with introverts, but it should be the objective of any negotiator. Great post.
You have a good comparison between negotiation and chess playing. Strategic thinking is a strength of many introverts, which makes that suggestion all the more appropriate.
The emphasis on different energy levels between extroverts and introverts is very important to remember. Some might believe it’s harder for introverts to negotiate for this reason, but really they just need a different approach. Thanks for sharing!