One of my weaknesses, even with knowing it is an utterly useless way to be or act, is judging who I am by comparing myself to others. Do you ever get that way? As I regularly say about it, it’s a win-lose proposition. Comparitis as I like to call this dilemma, can only add to the top BS facts about introvert experiences you might think are true. Hence, Top BS Facts about Introvert Experiences You Might Think Are True
That’s my sign to take some additional time to get my head and heart cleared. And, get happy.
The clearing started to lift yesterday afternoon after just a few hours of being down on myself, in my head of course.
With every good intention to write a couple of blog posts to queue up since I am traveling next week, the venom of judging myself delayed me until getting in a better space. That’s when I realized it could be because of BS facts about introvert experiences. Experiences you might think are true.
In my humble opinion here are a few of those Top BS Facts about Introvert Experiences You Might Think Are True:
We are solely introverts
Because the word introvert is often used in isolation, we think we are the sum of what it means. In reality, this is untrue. I grew up in an authentic Italian household. In my family this means many people around at all times, funeral sadness followed with a time of celebration, frequent occasions beyond traditional holidays to – mangiare. That means to eat. When reading Susan Cain’s bestseller book Quiet, there were many things I just could not relate too. It did however encourage me, and strengthen my beliefs. Many of the stories were off for me because my own family was anything but quiet.
We are who we are because of a variety of experiences, influences in our environment, our family upbringing or even other personality traits in the mix. Whether you like the MBTI (c) assessment or not, at least it considers a variety of personality traits.
This blend of different characteristics explains in part why others often mistake me for being more of an extrovert. I am not solely an introvert.
What do you think? Are you a totality of one thing or the sum of many?
Introverts do not need variety
Extroverts do not have the corner on a preference for variety. Right, I might prefer a small, close circle of friends. But if I think about how I’ve found them, it’s from a wide variety of both business and social experiences.
Here’s an example. Maybe you are considering being, or already are, more vegetarian. Do you eat just one vegetable? Heck no. Likely you have your favorite vegetables, and make delicious meals with a variety of them.
It’s a similar process to getting to those close friendships and relationships. It’s a go wide, then go in-depth process.
I welcome all kinds of experiences in my life. From the noisiest like a midweek party where there are hundreds of people, to the quietest like a library on a Sunday morning. It may be because one of my highest values is being able to often try something new out. If I am not doing that, I’m not growing.
How about you? Do you need variety?
Introverts are quiet
This morning the wretched feeling of being stuck loosened up. After tweaking my morning routine a wee bit, my head was softly saying to me, “You are the best you who you can be! And that is enough.”
Then that noise in my head pulled me away from the struggling feelings of not feeling quite as good as someone else. In talking with a new friend, more words spilled out into a fun, lively and intelligent conversation.
Some words in my head even spilled out here in this blog post.
Not all introverts are quiet. We might prefer quiet because it is what opens us up, frees us up and pumps us up.
While relishing the introvert in me, as you might be, it’s not the full story. It’s more liberating to recognize that having a preference for introversion – is just one dimension of our personality.
PS – So come on, get happy! Let this video pump you up, and out of any particular funk, you are in, if you are, ever.
What’s a BS fact about your personality experience?
Originally posted July 18, 2014
Pat — I can relate so well to comparing myself to others. I read all these stories about people become stars on social media and I tell myself I’ll never measure up. What a crock. You have your unique talents and so do I. We need to be who we are. I mean this: when I’m talking to a potential client I tell myself: “They would be lucky to have me.” Why not? I’ve got tons of experience and I’m good. So are you. So let’s celebrate Pat and Jeannette!
Love that Jeannette! It’s an awesome belief to keep in mind. “They would be lucky to have me,” I’m going to try it on, again and again, so consider it, borrowed and appreciated.
Love that Jeannette! It’s an awesome belief to keep in mind. “They would be lucky to have me,” I’m going to try it on, again and again, so consider it, borrowed and appreciated.
Pat – I actually had this happen in a job interview a few years back in my last corporate job. After the first round of interviews they seemed to think I was too introverted and quiet to be the VP of Sales and lead a national sales team. Well I thought what a bunch of BS about my personality. I’ve never considered myself quiet or introverted. So, I got back in there for the second round of interviews and let my personality shine through. Showed em what I was made of and got that job! Congratulations, right? Maybe I should have left well enough alone….I questioned my sanity every day I worked at that company. It’s that “be careful what you wish for” thing. lol
Susan THAT is funny. Sometimes we think we know what we want, and only in the wisdom of hindsight, do our lessons come up. Thanks for sharing this story!
Personally am not in a habit of comparing myself to others, Once in a while it’s, kind of, forced on me because of applying for a job or something like that.
As for being one thing only, like introvert. No way. All human beings are a combination of all kinds of things and to define someone simply as an introvert does not make sense.
You know Catarina, I would absolutely know this about you if I thought about it! You’re one of the most confident people I know online.
Pat- I think when I compare myself it is not in any way except I wish I was thinner. Then I will I wish I could fit into a dress and then I will catch myself and say, at least you are here to put that dress on. No two people are alike so try to be like someone else or compare yourself to someone else is a waste of time whether are an introvert or extrovert.
Arleen I think most of us have that one Achilles heel for comparing ourselves to someone else. Then others might have a couple of of those heels! Thanks.
I think it’s inevitable that we compare ourselves to others… I think we have to learn to undo what can become an unfortunate habit:) My MOST favorite lyric in this song is “Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof” I love that…feeling as though the world has no limits:) Like you, most assume that I am extroverted…I’m sort of a closet introvert. The great thing abut being a hybrid is that we can keep em guessing, right? About the only thing I compare myself to now is age related….like my knees used to look like that…no wrinkles. Today…I’m feeling like a room without a roof…thanks for that:)
Isn’t that a GREAT line Jacqueline? I love it too. Knees, legs, wrinkles, hair, hey, if we are going to compare ourselves when we age, we might as well do it in one swoop. Thanks!
I don’t know many people who aren’t a combination of a wide variety of traits, depending on the situation and other people involved. Most of us react to the scene and are sometimes more outgoing than others. I like people who are capable of playing different roles.
Absolutely Beth. I just think maybe some people, with all the innie and outie talk these days, are beginning to forget that one thing does not make us whole. Thanks.
I think many of have both extrovert and introvert tendencies and may lean more one way than another at a given period of time. At least I think that is true for me. And sometimes I am quiet. And sometimes I am a chatterbox. I smiled when I read Susan’s comments about being quiet. So often people dismiss quiet people, for all the wrong reasons.
Absolutely Donna. Actually all day long, everyone of us is introverting and extroverting! Thanks.
I am an introvert yet as you correctly stated above it is not the only measure of who I am. I have a close circle of very good friends. I like to think that the circle is small and the friendships good because it takes a while for me to assign that moniker to a person. I have loads of acquaintances but that is a whole different kettle of fish to friends. People are always comparing themselves to others. As people we only have one standard to go by; other people. It just depends what you do or how you interpret those comparisons. Great insights Patricia.
Excellent Tim – we get to interpret those comparisons we make! I love that. Thanks.
Hi Pat,
Thanks for sharing about these various introvert experiences. Perhaps one of the strongest things you can do for yourself when you get down on yourself is to redirect your focus onto all of your achievements, blessings, and goals. I think always having something to look forward to may help as well.
Happy is an amazingly upbeat and catchy tune. I was playing it every morning for about a week when it first came out. Pharrell Williams is going to be a judge on this season of the Voice.
Have a terrific week!
Bill
As you likely deduced Bill, I’m not one to stay in the gunk of negative comparisons for long. And your suggestion of what to focus on is spot on.
Wow – who knew about Parrell on the Voice. I’ve only seen that show twice but it will be worth a third time with him.
Hi Paticia – I totally enjoyed Pharrel Williams and “Happiness is a Suit”. I think I’ll adopt that saying. What a neat thought that you can get up in the morning and just dress in your happiness suit.
As far as measuring up to others, I think that’s a human condition we all share but we just have to realize there is a reason there is only one me and I just need to be the best me I can be.
Lenie
Yes ma’am Lenie. We get to choose whatever clothes we want and I raise my hand for – happiness! That’s a wonderful contemplation point too, “there is a reason there is only one me.” Thanks.
What an appropriate timing! We went to a BBQ on Saturday. I sat there keeping my sister-in-law company for a couple of hours wanting to join in with the rest of the crowd, I thought she might be upset if I left her alone. I used it as ancuse not to mingle. After a while my husband came up to me and said Here, come here I want to show you something!” I got up and followed him “What?” I was puzzled. “Look! There’s people here, you’ve written a book go and talk to them!” I told him, they wouldn’t possibly be interested. “GO!” He smiled at me, I took a deep breath and plunged in. It was the best evening, I met some amazing people!
There’s a networking event being advertised here and after Saturday I’m thinking of going. There will be all sorts of artists, producers, musicians etc… and I think if I can just climb out of my shell for one evening if might be interesting to see who I could meet next!
Wow now that IS serendipity Claire! And to think, you’re already excited about the upcoming event. Very cool. Thank.s
I like Beth’s comment. That is a good thinking” They are lucky to have me” This thought should be applied to all kind of business and employment. We should think that the boss is lucky to have me.
That is so true about the breadth of applying Jeannette’s thinking about – they are lucky to have me. Since she posted this, I’ve adopted it. Naturally, it’s doing wonders. Thanks Bindu.
Hi Pat; I agree that very few people are all one kind of anything. I’ve known people who were total extraverts until you see them with their immediate family or there child hood bully or something like that. Me, I don’t go out much, but its not because of fear its lack of having someone to go with and living in an area with next to no mass transit. And being almost totally blind means depending on your hearing so i have never enjoyed bars or dance halls. also, i used to be so heavy that i wouldn’t have danced anyway. think it would be cool now to take some lessons. I’m going to google that.
I too am better in small groups. But I’m looking forward to attending more face to face networking events in the near future. I think I’m one of those people that has an off stage and on stage approach to large events. so as long as I know when show time is, I’m okay. Thanks for your comment and sharing my posts, Max
I love the metaphor you give Max off stage and on stage approach. Show time!
Hi Patricia; That’s the way I would work games on the midway. I’d spend about 15 minutes before being quiet thinking about the kinds of things I wanted to say. And when opening time rolled around I would call people into my booth with the best of them. One of my favorite wrestlers sting used to say its showtime whenever he started a rant or began a match. I think the phrase was used in a comedy movie about an actor and cop team put together to get los angeles better media coverage. but you got to remember to say it like you mean it.
keep spreading your message, Max
I can be a REALLY talkative person, but it takes me a good amount of time to warm up to most people. Also, I get irked by people who talk just to fill spaces. When I have something worth saying when in a work situation, I will say it, but I won’t talk just to hear myself talk or silence someone else with my voice. The worst thing an introvert can hear would be, “You’re so quiet.” I always want to ask, “And your point is?”
When someone who doesn’t know me says something like you mention Jeri, I usually say – I’m thinking, and you? I know it’s a little smart alecy remark, but, it’s just annoying. When I am passionate about something, then I get the other expression, “Tell us what you really think!” Can’t win.
Pat give me that Pharrell song any day and I will sing along and dance. Someone said don’t judge your worst against someone’s best. People wake up in the morning look at the mirror and then reflect on a magazine or TV face of their favourite celebrity. That can never work and is the win lose situation you spoke about. First see that celeb in their worst and then you have like for like. Great thing you loosened that feeling.
What a unique approach to comparison of a celebrity Welli. Thanks for that addition!
People have a way of trying to package introverts. Maybe we do more thinking. When I’m passionate about a topic, I can be mistaken for an extrovert by my soapbox rambling. Once I’m no longer the singing and dancing frog from Looney Tunes (Michigan J. Frog), I’m back to croaking in a shoe box. I’m simply done talking, and I haven’t changed. No one suggests that cinnamon act more like pepper if they “live” in the same spice rack. All a recipe has to do is work.
Another misconception is that we never initiate.
I love the spice metaphor Deidre. And it does beg the question – why do we have to stereotype people if we can leave spices to their own individuality? Thanks!
I fancy myself a 50/50 intro-extrovert so I can definitely relate to this post. I don’t like the same things over and over again though routine can be my friend. Sometimes I can be quiet and reserved while others, I’m somewhat talkative. People’s stereotypes about introverts must confuse them when dealing with those of us who are hybrids. Thanks for sharing this. It was truly worth the read.
Yes Carl, the danger in stereotyping is that it can be taken too far. It happens with whatever we might label and then forget, the label is merely a reference point. Thanks.
I always enjoy reading your blog, and they are so insightful. I know I am an introvert, and your description does fit me to a bill. Thanks for providing this on your blog.
William, thanks. I find my experiences as an introvert are as most of anyone labeled such are true.
Your vegetarian analogy makes me think of a plate of food, with several different things on it. It seems that an extrovert would be akin to having all the food mushed up together, while an introvert is the food that doesn’t want to be jumbled up with all the other food at the same time. Variety is good, but not all mushed up together. I wonder if you could identify an introvert by whether they eat each food separately?
That’s funny Meredith. I suppose that one would be a difficult observation!
Here is my BS beef: I am so outgoing in so many situations that often people mistake me for having high self-esteem when, in fact, the opposite is true, due to my weight.
Lorraine self-esteem is a huge topic. I do however understand what you are saying about again, a stereotype. Thanks.
I believe I am a variety of things. I like small setting with people I feel comfortable with, but there has been times when I have had to be a part of a big group and turn on the personality. I’m not quiet. The older I get the more outspoken I become but still with those I’m comfortable with. I think it depends on my moods and setting. I have had days where I compare myself to others but that is just me overthinking silly things.
I like what you say Niekka: the days your are making a comparison of you to others, you are just overthinking silly things! Love that.
I am without a doubt the sum of many. After reading your post, I felt the need to revisit the definition of extrovert and introvert. After reading what Wikipedia had to say, I can confidently admit that I would be labeled the ambivert. And until now I never really thought about it. I like your relation to variety and only eating one vegetable. Makes perfect sense. Yes! I need variety. I might need a new pen, but I buy the package of 8 colors so I can color code things. I need solitude at times and social stimulation at times. Do you ever find yourself in one situation, let’s say social stimulation, and have something flip inside and you instantly want to be in a less stimulating atmosphere? I’m ready to go and I’m ready to go NOW! I wonder what the tipping point is. As always, I enjoyed this week’s post from you!
For me Pamela, my tipping point in a crowd (if that is what you meant) is related to my energy before and what I know I will be doing after a stimulating social event. If I’m already drained and know the very next event is going to be wired too, I just crack sooner than planned.
We all compare ourselves to others – it’s human nature. Often when I talk to friends and listen to the problems of my friends – I realise how much better off I am. My husband has a set of motivational and happy songs on his iphone that he always listens to before going to bed. It makes him sleep well. I love this Happy song. I could listen to it all day.
Mina, hoping you are correct that comparing ourselves, is human nature. Delighted you like The Happy Song.
I think you really nailed it with this. As an introvert myself I can attest to these. I have always known I am an introvert and I have always dealt with people not understanding what an introvert really is.
Cheryl, my guess is that there are many people more introverted who don’t understand either.
Growing up I resisted the label introvert. Every test I took said I was one. Most people when I tell them I’m a introvert do not believe me. Until someone gave me this difference, none of the segmenting made sense to me. Introverts require alone time to recharge their battery and when in a large group if they do not know how to ‘protect’ themselves, they will leave the group discharged and their energy reserves gone. Extroverts come out of a group environment with more energy than they had going in and find little upside energy wise from alone time.
Asking an introvert to do inner personal growth is simple. Ask them. Extroverts will suffer unless they figure out some way to make the time valuable. Standing in front of hundreds of people as an introvert sharing a story to motivate them may leave me drained if I am not careful. An extrovert, once they discover the power of that juice, want center stage any time they can get it.
Michael, I often find people have the same disbelief about me. That’s what we get because – we are not just one thing. I love being on the stage, giving workshops, training programs or speaking to a crowd. It’s what I do before, after and during that where the more extroverted and I part ways. Thanks!
It’s true, we like to package and compartmentalize people so they’re easy to deal with. I’m sure that’s where stereotypes come from, since thinking in shades of grey is challenging. And of course, there is so much misinformation out there! I think we are all complicated, sometimes contradictory characters. But that’s what makes us human, right?!