As an introvert I am comfortable being with me, just me. If the expression “one is company and two is a crowd” rings true for you, imagine what a dilemma if you have to live with two extroverts for a long period of time? Rather than die, I’ve just decided to finally put the introvert in me on notice. If you are an introvert (this is really not about being shy) and you’ve found yourself in a situation of being in close quarters with some extroverts for an extended time, how do your put yourself on notice?
Start with loving yourself and reminding yourself that you do. Without this foundation you may find yourself ready to buy into many of the myths about introverts. Over time my head has become my safe haven. If I didn’t have my self-esteem in-check, I might find myself in a constant state of doubting self-talk. But I don’t. Instead I find myself looking in the mirror, having vivid recollection of the Saturday Night Live episode repeating Al Franken’s character, Stuart Smalley, I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me! You’ve got to say what you have to.
You’re an individual as anyone else. The last time I was concerned about being popular was high school. This too shall pass. If I go along to get along then my adrenaline starts pumping and instead of getting a thrill, it’s more I feel like a roller coaster stop abruptly. A challenge this week was being invited somewhere with lots of activity and action which I just had no interest in going. I’ve been there many times already. Even though there was surprise in my rejecting the invitation, I dodged the bullet and still remained on friendly terms.
Being alone and being lonely are as different as a goldfish to a whale. When I get tired of listening to my own thoughts, what I often want is, to be with just one person to share some of what I found in those thoughts. Just one person, not a tribe. There are a few times though when, I do have good reason to want to be in a crowd.
Parties can be manageable. Most of us who are more of an introvert enjoy parties with close friends or even family. To go to a party outside those boundaries can be like riding a tsunami with a surfboard. I’ve also found if I can manage my energy, that even parties with more people can be enjoyable for meeting new friends. Goodness knows how over the years I’ve been able to forge some terrific friendships and attract new clients with party management.
Even a Ferrari needs a tune-up on a regular basis so why would we introvert beings be much different? Once you put your inner introvert in the right perspective, you realize that you don’t need to fix yourself or become an extrovert. It’s just a matter of loving yourself, respecting your individuality, cherishing your alone time and recognizing the party for what it can be to you.
How do you put your introvert on notice?
Bravo! Bravo! Agreed and agreed. Especially about being lonely and being alone. I am an introvert who enjoys social dancing. I dance several nights a week. I am able to balance enjoying partner dancing while I’m on the dance floor to release my extrovert energy in a social place and return to my seat between dances to regroup and re-energize in my introvert’s space…and repeat again for a few hours.
I keep in contact with my extrovert friends and make sure that i go out at least once a month. I feel absolutely glorious staying at home but going out once in a while actually helps me refresh my mind!
Coretta I find that people confuse being alone with being lonely so it had to be said that as introverts, we are not usually lonely! Your dance routine sounds perfectly – balanced, if I can say that!
Glori your routine sounds like a refreshing balance.
My mother used to say: lonely in crowd. What she meant was you can have 100 people around you, but if none understand how you feel, then you feel quite lonely. On the other hand, if you are doing what you love, even if by yourself, you will often feel quite good.
I would guess bloggers who comment fit into the manageable parties – we choose areas where we feel comfortable to express ourselves and meet others.
Leora I never head that expression but it makes perfect sense.
I’ve found party management easier than house guest management. Two different ends of the spectrum for me.
I enjoy my alone time. I actually enjoy having time by myself. Where I struggle is in large crowds and knowing where to start and what to say to people I don’t know. My dyslexic brain clicks into gear and I fumble and mumble my words making it all the more difficult. It is a challenge that I work on ever time I find myself in these kinds of situations. Thanks for your suggestions. They will come in handy the next time around. 🙂
I can certainly relate to this. I may seem pretty sociable, but often inside I’m cringing. I don’t like parties much, mainly because so much of the chat is just that polite chit chat.
That said the introvert in us all does need a good talking to from time to time. I suppose I go for the – come on you can do it, when I need or want to put myself outside my comfort zone.
A friend of mine who is pretty shy, just recommended the following book. I have it on order. But she said it was excellent.
“Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking” by Susan Cain
Thanks for this post – a really interesting subject.
A.K.Andrew there are SO many good books out these days for introverts I am losing count. Susan has done a top rate job getting the word out in a huge way with all her traveling and speaking engagements for her book.
For me, parties are just exhausting because of stimulation from usually, so much action. I’ve learned to take chit chat to more in-depth conversation. Sometimes people go with it, other times, they try to steer things back to chit chat. It’s interesting.