It never occurred to me I could move forward as a widow. But I discovered with my holistic and chakra healer; I use the Move Forward as a Widow with How You Know it’s Time to Get Off the Toilet Intuition. Or I just know how and when.
Without a map for any of us widowed, women and men, the reality is it’s up to us to invent our map.
Have you ever had non-widow friends, less frequently family, tell you what you “want to do” next?
The hairs on the back of my head would stand up when any advice from people not experiencing this significant life event would offer advice like – have you considered a dog, why don’t you get a cat, why don’t you move closer to your son?
Please know I understand that for many of us, these are excellent long-term solutions. These choices bring much-needed support and comfort, just not for me.
The truth is, in my experience, only I know when I am ready to do what. And that is, to Move Forward as a Widow with some kind of intuition like How You Know it’s Time to Get Off the Toilet. Or You Just Know.
For example, early on, I intuitively knew, “find a place that would benefit from his shower stool, crutches, walker. The ended up being our local Williamsburg Hospice House.
I started with getting names of his top friends I knew about; then asked them to bring themselves and spouse or friend if they wanted.
A few months later, in conversation with my most empathetic psychiatrist, I discovered a fabulous idea of when and whom to give my husband’s many jackets. It was one of my first attempts to clear out closet space about nine months after Marty died.
Wow. It was so healing for me. And I took it a step further. I asked each of the men to bring a memory they had of Marty, which they would be willing to let me record for my son and sisters.
Being able to “own” one of his jackets was so well received and, to this day, one of my most significant steps in moving forward.
It was reaffirming that so many others missed this man for their reasons, and they were only too happy to help me.
That opened my mind to clear out shoes and ties. But not my husband’s numerous suit pocket hankies because I want to create something with the colorful array. Since he was an amazing man, why not make something unique with these?
Dating was a step forward; I just “knew” when it was time. And, the fact is, it isn’t even a step all of us need or want to take.
And all of our paths become perfect for who we are, which is why, again, there is no map.
My widowhood self-care and medical care include different modalities like prayer, traditional doctors, massage therapy, and holistic healing, to mention a few.
On my most recent chakra healing appointment, I brought two pieces of my selenite crystal. One particular relational issue triggered my feelings in a most negative way. Selenite can “correct imbalances that can occur due to erratic or negative emotions.”
I held the two pieces in my hands, over my heart area. After maybe about 15 minutes, Deborah told me she was feeling the crystal needed to come off.
Now, I intellectually know how powerful energy work is, having healed several physical and emotional situations with it over the last 30 years.
Still, I asked her, “How do you know that?”
She paused, then looked away as if to grab her thoughts, and she looked at me with a smile, saying, “Well, it’s like how you know when it’s time to get off the toilet.”
Oh my gosh! I understood her. And, I instantly knew that in some ways, this “time to get off the toilet” is how sometimes I map out my widowhood path.
Okay. It’s our intuition, but I just found the metaphor to be so precise. Do you know what I mean? We just know how to move forward as a widow.
We “just know” if we can move forward, how fast, how far, how often, or if we need to slow down, take a step back.
And this is why we have our map. There are no two widowhood paths that are the same.