Prevalent myths, new books out several times a year now, and maybe (arguably) the largest segment of people using online social networking – popular current discussions are all about introverts. Most of this attention compliments us and encourages us to be who we are, even if so different from the extrovert.
So how can you dare to be yourself in an increasingly extroverted world? While I haven’t read the book yet I do understand that Quiet: The Power of Introverts by Susan Can speaks to a degree of all our natural traits, introvert and extrovert alike. But once you know your traits, the question is, how do you dare to be yourself?
First, you have to know yourself. I love that Oscar Wilde quotation, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.” This presumes knowing yourself. It’s important to take the time to understand what makes me tick, and what sets me off in a tizzy, those triggers. I love those “is this you?” kind of tests. It doesn’t matter if they are in the latest Cosmopolitan magazine or something online. I learn from them. It’s also helpful to know what my strengths are and what foibles I have. Learning I was an introvert when I did in my working life, was so helpful to greater success. I didn’t have to do things like many other people around me. It was quite freeing. This is all part of knowing who I am so I can accept myself. It also precedes a second way to dare to be me.
Second, for me, daring to be yourself is first about being authentic. I’ve never been one to try to be anything but myself. Sometimes that gets me in trouble with people complaining. People sometimes comment about my being too direct. My experience shows by communicating directly saves time and energy. When my son was a young boy I first tried getting him to clean his room by saying things like, “your room sure looks like a tornado hit it.” But the room was only cleaned when I said, “Son, I’m not happy about how messy your room looks and that I have to ask you to clean it all the time.” People also comment on occasion that I’m too intense. As a sales manager, one of my salespeople once commented, “You are so intense,” I asked “Intense about what?” She went on to say, that I picked up on everything and delved right into it. Why the heck be here on this earth if you can’t be curious and expressive about things you feel are important?
Here are some ways other introverts dare to be themselves:
After a too long process of self-development, I came to the conclusion that, shyness is selfishness. If I recognize that others have qualities to share, I must recognize value in myself too. My obligation is to share my strengths and qualities with other. Even, and maybe because, they are different. Nadia Mercelis,
… by not allowing anyone or anything to influence me. Am who I am love it or leave it. Tara Michelle, www.intro-vert.com
In posting a picture to Facebook from famousquotesabout.com, “Dare to be yourself,” Andre Gide, someone dared to be himself and commented, “Was Andre Gide a tree?” So you see, we also do have an authentic sense of humor!
Know yourself, be that person and love being who you are. It’s the best way to be happy, live life to the fullest and have all be well.
How do you dare to be yourself?
I laughed when I read about your sales rep telling you you were too intense. I have been acused of that many, many times. I would answer with “It’s not intensity, it’s my drive to succeed. So where is yours”.
Being able to let it go and dare to be me is not an easy task. What has been a revelation to me has been my blog and how it has given me license to speak what’s in my heart. However it took several months before I was could be comfortable doing that. I am still a work in progress. 🙂
You’re funny Susan! Aren’t we each a work in progress?!
I love how you took on the comment about your intensity. I would just usually want to know what the commenter was saying such a thing for. But what you stated is what I found to be true: those criticizing what they mistook, didn’t have any of what could help them!
Thanks.
Agree with you Pat; “Know yourself, be that person and love being who you are. It’s the best way to be happy, live life to the fullest and have all be well” – and it goes for extroverts as well.
By the way, don’t forget that Mark Zuckerberg invented a place for introverts like himself to socialize. Everybody knows what Facebook is but that he’s an introvert is sometimes forgotten.
So the question is what other business ideas are there that benefit introverts and allow the inventor to become a billionaire?
Dare to be me. I am working on that. My blog is that first step. As Susan put it – I am a work in progress. 🙂
I know someone who is an introvert, yet he is chatty on our intranet chat box. It is almost like this chat box, removes his cloak of shyness and he comes across as a extrovert, with a great sense of wit as well. I haven’t been able to understand this.
Perhaps, if introverts wish to be more outgoing and share (This person really shares in knowledge over the chat box), they can first begin by using means such as chat boxes, followed by phone and then face to face meetings. I am no expert, Pat, but just sharing my thought with you and your expert opinion is welcome.
It’s very hard to be yourself in an extroverted world. Education and business promote collaborative work to the detriment of nuturing true creativity. Many personality traits required for creativity are not valued by society.
I’ve come to be satisfied with being a quiet person, but through lots of trial and error. I’ve learned when to speak up and make my case be heard. I know when I speak it’s because I really have something I want to say, not just because the expected norm is to chatter away while not always saying a whole lot.
Be yourself. Pat, I’m intense too. And it’s this that makes me afraid to be myself. People don’t understand that intensity. But it’s inside of me. I have to let it out. It’s part of the reason I started blogging.
What Lubna said about using chat rooms, then phones, and then person to person–I find it to be good advice. As I have opened up in social media, it helps me to feel more confident in person.
Catarina I wonder – do you think Zuckerberg invented FaceBook because of or in spite of or was just a creative introvert?
We’ll find out the next introvert contribution when we see it! Thanks – as always for your insight.
Lubna part of the chattiness online is it give people time to think. Introverts in particular need a bit more time (not talking hours here!) to process what is in their head and get it into spoken words.
The one big problem in bringing that same approach to phone and face to face meetings, unless you are a brave introvert you won’t take – just a few seconds usually – to pause, be comfortable in the silence and then share your wisdom – and wit.
Great observation Lubna. Thanks.
Jeri you are right about the difficulty to be yourself. And as you state, “I’ve come to be satisfied with being a quiet person,” until you get to that point, you’re hurting yourself.
Speaking to add value to a conversation is one of those times that being selfish about taking care of who you are is important.
Thanks.
Geek Girl, great to know you ARE daring to be you. That is where the personal power starts.
Bethany, let go of your fear a little bit. When we let go of any feelings it leaves room for something better to enter. And bravo to YOU – using social media in the steps to being yourself.
Louise, I do remember your expertise with DiSC. That’s a perfect tool to both know yourself and know others. And how true it is that with that knowledge, and validation that “you are okay!” you can see a direct increase in confidence and courage.
Thanks!
Pat…such a great article! As you know, in my previous career life I used the DiSC profile in many trainings. I always made one of the learning points to be that understanding your personality, strengths and weaknesses, you were in a much stronger position to communicate effectively with any other style. You also could increase your own self-confidence since you now knew there was nothing wrong with you. I always “loved” those statements people would make – I wish I was more like Mary, she’s not afraid to say what she feels.
Keep up the “war” on the lack of communication skills knowledge and how to use the knowledge.
Adrienne, I’m a what you see is what you get person. If we can’t talk about things that most people won’t mention, then we’ll be having mundane, small talk kind of conversations for sure. Go brave and go forward! Thanks.
I guess I dare to be myself most in writing, especially on my blog. I like writing about things most people would never mention to anyone else. I think talking about our foibles goes a long way toward showing each other how truly alike we all are.
Hi Patricia,
I like your comment to Adrienne about what you see is what you get. That is how I am which means you can feel comfortable in your own skin. And it is a lot less stressful than trying to be something you are not.
The way how I dare myself is by always asking myself that once I reach the end of my life, and I look back, would there be anything I would look at with regret and tell myself “If only I have…” It gives me a wake up call every time, and the courage to try things at least once. If it works out, well and good. But if it doesn’t, at least I can say to myself I’ve tried.
Adeline, that a great tactic! So if you hesitate, stop and think about that end of life journey and how WOULD you answer, “If only I …”
That’s an inspiring tip.