I’m a sucker for assessments. Personal assessments. I found one today you might be interested in about how to communicate from your strengths. You know my rant about using your strengths as someone more introverted? That’s what drew me to it. Plus, it’s free; even more of a draw. I’ll share it with you at the end – or jump to the end now. It’s there.
I didn’t like the results of this assessment. Hahaha.
It identified my two top strengths and revealed a quieter strength that I have which I don’t often use. Why the heck did I have to focus on the negative again?
That got me to thinking about bad and good drama.
Our drama can be stories about a life event we get so enthralled with we tell ourselves, and anyone who listens.
Many coaches talk about it being something that might have gone wrong and then spirals to keeping you on edge and stuck. It can cause lack of sleep, being sick to the stomach or even unexpected weight loss. But being stuck in bad drama is no way to lose weight.
Stinking bad drama
A few years ago when I was going through my coach training I volunteered to have some “laser” coaching. This is my style of coaching so I love it: cut to the chase.
As the coach was asking me questions I could feel the drama of it all. A particularly concerning situation had me stuck. She cleverly pointed out, how the drama was playing out in my life elsewhere. “What?” I asked. “You were telling us about the squirrels in your yard that you cannot seem to get rid of,” she remarked. “Can you see this is just another kind of environment that leaves you feeling this way?”
She was right. I kept telling myself the drama story so much it started to leak out into other areas of my life.
Sometimes coaches can get down to things so quickly; almost laser like.
Most of us don’t realize when we get caught in a drama story. Our thoughts seem so real and we are on the stage. It’s unbelievably difficult to get out of it.
Sweet happy drama
There can be happy drama too, although this is not the stage of the so called, “drama queen.” It could be something fabulous going on in life. These stories, like a bad drama, are worth telling everyone about. Usually it feels like they flow from day to day, and can cause some singing and spontaneous happy dancing. It’s when we feel connected to something bigger than ourselves.
Nah. We don’t need a coach for that! But they could be another person to share the happiness with.
For those of you who I am connected with on LinkedIn or Facebook, you may recall the first four months of the year were pure hell, just wicked for me.
But here is the most fabulous thing.
My Google penalty was lifted, the two family members who had possible life threatening situations facing them are on their feet again, even my upcoming is getting near release. Hahaha. I’ve been saying any minute ever since my LinkedIn friend Myra Goldick coined that phrase in our fun on one of her radio shows.
Then things shifted. It’s been going happy since then. Up to this dang assessment.
Good drama trumps bad drama
When I took this assessment I was tempted to fall back into that yucky, bad, take-me-down drama: “Oh geez, why can’t that advantage strength be mine? Why does it have to be this one?” Let me put on that drama mask.
Maybe I’m a slow learner with this drama stuff. It took me overnight to shift my thinking more to, “Hey these two advantages. How awesome is that! How did I miss just how they help me every day? Why did I not understand this is what sometimes brings on that sweet happy drama in my life?”
Of course, life quizzed me. A possible small setback was on the rise.
What did I do?
I communicated from my newly found, and appreciated strengths.
Got right back in the good drama flow of things.
Do you ever get stuck in your bad drama?
How quickly do you shift?
How do you go back to a happier state of being?
You can take the assessment I mentioned for free if you like. There’s nothing in it for me. For you, it claims to help you communicate from your strengths.
All human beings sometimes mentally makes the mistake of creating a bad drama. And the strangest aspect of it is that we do it to ourselves. Sometimes I start one but always catch myself and know what I’m doing. Then it’s easy to let go of it. Presumably some might say that not all human beings can control their thougths. Yes, they can, if they want to. When there’s a will there’s a way. The alternative is using your energy on negative issues instead of acting and getting results.
Spot on Catarina. Everyone can likely identify with bad drama. LOL – why DO we do that to ourselves? For sure it can’t be because it feels good. Geez. Thanks, always, for your comments.
You never fail to educate and fascinate Patricia. I loved taking that assessment! LOL But more to the point, I think we all can get caught up in bad drama and it sure isn’t gender specific. I’ve seen more bad drama from men than I care to remember! I sometimes find it difficult to shift, I really have to put a lot of energy into it. But eventually, I do, simply because I cannot stand feeling that way
Jacqueline I’m certain anyone can relate to life’s drama. So right about the expenditure of energy in it being a waste of time.
Shifting the bad drama does take work that’s for sure. My method is to simply wrap my head around the reward of not feeling that way. Life is so much lighter when the bad drama is evicted. Well worth the effort. Thanks for putting this into a new perspective Patricia.
I have to say that while I intellectually KNOW that life is lighter without bad drama, sometimes I just take a while to shift Tim. Thanks for keeping it in perspective.
When bad drama rears its ugly head, usually in the middle of the night, I make a decision to change the subject. This involves getting up, having a drink of water, sitting down at my computer and doing something easy. I make sure to do something that causes me no stress until I either get sleepy or get bored and then go back to bed with deliberately pleasant thoughts roaming my mind. It almost always works.
What a terrific remedy Beth. It totally makes sense. When you change the state of things, things do change. Thank.s
I have had my share of bad drama and assessments. I love the assessment part because I am a Virgo and love to analyze things, especially myself! Very introspective that way. As far as shaking the bad drama – I find if I talk about it to a close friend who has the ability to remain neutral, that helps. But usually doing something physical – like going for a bike ride or a walk or just a drive in the car by myself with no music on – so I can think and gain a perspective helps tremendously.
I had to chuckle about the doing something physical Laurie. In the worst of my bad drama moments I’ll incorporate some kickboxing in my workout routine and POOF it’s nearly totally gone.
I think we all need a *little* drama in our lives to keep things interesting. Plus, small amounts of stress are actually good for your brain (SMALL amounts being the operative phrase there!) so drama isn’t so bad. But, getting stuck in your drama IS bad. I’m not so good at getting myself out of a bad mood, but thankfully I have some hilarious kids that usually help me out!
Hi Patricia; thanks for sharing how this effected you. hopefully we will learn from your example. I was thinking about starting and back up quarterbacks in football. they say the back up has an advantage because he can see what is going on and notice problems that the starter can’t because he is in the middle of the action. I’m glad you found some good drama to trump the bad with. I tried to take the survey but the method for selecting your answers didn’t agree with my screen reader. i do think the survey was a clever way to collect email addresses and the statement about the survey usually costing 40 bucks probably gets her a lot of new subscribers. 🙂 you have a lot to give to your readers so please don’t let the gremlins bring you down. take care my friend, Max
I’m sorry the assessment didn’t work for you Max. But you know the way I look at it, for you it wasn’t meant to be. That’s a quick release from any potential bad drama.
I get stuck for sure. It’s so hard to get out and honestly, the only thing that helps is getting outside and getting away from it. Dealing with drama is good but sometimes can prove more painful than trying to move on and away from it. This was a great post! Thanks for sharing!
Getting stuck is familiar territory for me Carl. Sometimes it takes more time than others to get to move on and away.
Hi Patricia – what an interesting post. I think we all experience – and sometimes hang onto – bad drama. I think the important thing is to let go and replace the bad with good, not always easy but necessary if we are to move forward. I haven’t taken the assessment – a little afraid of what I’ll find LOL.
Lenie
Oh dear Lenie. It was not my intent to instill concern about the assessment. It’s got some good stuff in it. I’m sure you’d find it fascinating.
Hi Patricia – I try not to hang on to bad drama for too long. My tendency is to gain weight through bad drama – not lose. So need to get out of the bad drama stage as soon as possible. 🙂 I think it’s important to remember when we find ourselves in a bad drama stage that it is just part of the ebbs and flows of life – some days will be good some will be bad – this too shall pass. And try not to stress or focus on it. Bye for now….off to take the assessment.
Thanks for a terrific reminder Susan: Life changes. It has up and downs. It’s important to remember that when we find ourself being swept further into a bad drama.
You are right. We always have good or bad drama in our lives. It is hard for us to move that emotional scale from one to the other.
As always a great blog to read.
William, it’s taking me a long time to navigate that emotional scale. And I just keep on learning.
It is easy to get stuck in the bad drama. Realising the drama as a bad one is the key to get over it. To me, sometimes, I am stuck in it till some one lovingly points out how it is another bad drama. To help myself, I try not to take myself too serious.
Both points are sage advice Bindu. Thanks.
Sometimes I think I play out bad drama subconsciously. I have a vague feeling something is wrong but have no idea what it is or why. At times I’ve come to the realization of what the bad drama was about and surprise myself that it is no big deal.
So right Ken. And it’s kind of weird isn’t it? I mean, if we are in a drama with a vague feeling of questioning what is happening, paying attention to that is crucial to get out of our way.
Glad to hear you were able to shift your perspective and appreciate your strengths!
The key is Christina, as you are summing up, to shift and then express appreciation.
I’m very careful not to try to create drama. It stems from growing up in a turbulent household. I was surprised to recognize some people see my sharing of my drafting process of my first novel as drama, when I view it as reflecting on the process. Still though, in a way, we all do create self-fulfilling prophecies at times.
Now that is interesting Jeri – the two different perspectives of the same action.
Why are we so drawn to drama in our lives? I just had that experience this morning with a small setback, and my first inclination was to make it into a big thing, even though it may turn out to be just fine. The last thing I need in my life is more drama! Especially drama that hasn’t even materialized yet. Thanks for the reminder. I’m off to take the quiz…
That is a big question Meredith – why are we so drawn into our drama? You’d figure if we got sucked into in a few times we would know the uselessness of it. But know, we keep on going back.
Isn’t life dramatic Pat, as you already say above? It is which kind of drama one focusses on that is different. I have worked with people who outcompete the office on bad drama and it is quite entertaining though sad. Personally I try to play down bad drama while magnifying good drama. It makes life more bearable. For example, Monday for me is exactly like any other day and so it doesn’t feel that blue.
Welli I love that perspective: Monday being exactly like any other day so it doesn’t take on it’s traditional “drama” label.
Finding the right way to shake that bad drama can be tough. Mindfulness offers fabulous tools, but it is getting into a mindful state when your mind is racing around that is tough. Glad you deflected yours so elegantly!
Sue I think you are right about one thing that might keep us stuck: it’s the first step to me in a mindful state. How do we get to that point more quickly? Or is it meant to be what it is?
Sometimes I get stuck in my bad drama. It’s usually only for a day or 2. I look at my goals and listen to positive affirmations or podcasts to get me back focused.
I’m with you Jason that most times it’s just being stuck in drama for one or two days. But still, why can’t we get out of things more quickly. What a waste of just 1 hour!
It’s quite weird that we sometimes get caught up in bad drama and as humans it’s inevitable. We have to remind ourselves not to dwell on it for too long but to focus on the positive.
Bola, since we all seem to go into our own drama, ALL being the operative word, it must be inevitable! It does seem to be that some of us can move out of it faster than others, or get caught up less than others, but we all go that way.
Pat – I just took the test but should have waited til after lunch because I didn’t have time to read every page (I emailed them to myself).It will be fun to read the results but I won’t get very exercised about them. We always need to remember that these tests don’t determine how you view yourself or how you actually see the world. They are too superficial for that. I still think Myers-Briggs is the best personality indicator. Every other test flows from this grand-daddy of all assessments. So don’t sweat your results!
Drama is something I don’t particularly like. Unfortunately, it is a part of life, sometimes! I tend to like to keep things simple, as there is enough drama going on in my young relatives’ lives. 😉
Glad to hear your Google penalty was lifted!
Happy to hear you are a friend of the wonderful Myra Goldick! Thanks for this wonderful exploration and all the great comments here.
I had a surprising result from the assessment test, so I’ll be sure to apply what I’ve learned in my blog LOL Can’t really say there was no drama, as I just found out I am a Rockstar and I’m over 50! Pretty dramatic!
–chris
Myra is terrific. I’m guessing – since you found out you are a Rockstar (forget the age, we’re all timeless aren’t we?) that your drama was some gooood stuff! Thanks Christine.
Thanks for sharing the test Pat! I’m a big fan of Sally Hogshead and this was enlightening!
I don’t necessarily have a problem getting over bad drama, but I think I sometimes let it assume a greater importance than it should. I have a lot of trouble shrugging things off.
Ken, giving anything that doesn’t serve us too much importance can be like act one to further drama so, that might be the first thing to just shrug off! Thanks.