Is it lack of confidence? Maybe you don’t have an interest? Could it be you are afraid of some failure? Call it what you want but we can often make conversation mistakes because of anxiousness or anxiety about ourselves, rather than not taking full advantage of who we are authentically.
My husband and I took a desert tour in Arizona a few years ago. Some tips on making it out alive if you had to can also help us out of any introvert desert-like conversation. Not paying attention to what we might consider doing differently next time can keep up feeling like we’re in that desert.
Do you have actions you do even though you don’t “feel” like it? Maybe you are thinking of making your bed – you do it, but you aren’t all into it. Or you think of doing laundry and – you aren’t all into it either, but you do it. Well, then you know how to get from the desert to an oasis.
Let’s avoid a panic over these fears.
Are You Aware of 3 Mistakes Keeping You in the desert-like Introvert Conversation?
Lack of water seemed to be the biggest fear, and death factor for those venturing into a desert unprepared. In a past post you can read about a distinction that anxious is being fearful of what might happen in the future, and anxiety is worrying about the past. In conversations either feeling can keep you in the desert of conversations.
Talking with a super talkative, uber-confident extrovert means learning not to sweat. Instead, remain confident that, our tendency to want to pause before speaking allows us to tap into our reservoir of either knowledge or opinion.
What we might have to be ready to do is either give some non-verbal or even a phrase. A non-verbal via the eyes is kind of natural for us with either looking up or at the ground. Someone who is looking at us would know that.
In the event you feel there isn’t enough eye contact for the other person to notice, pick a comfortable phrase to say. Something you can use all the time. In my moments of anxiousness, and yes I still get them, I say something like, … “Oh yeah, absolutely.”
Letting someone else know you want to think before you comment, is like being prepared for going into a desert with water. Using either of these ways lets the other person knows you do have something to add – you’re using your brain first.
You’ve now bargained yourself a few seconds, maybe with the non-verbal look or verbal phrase, and you added to a part of the conversation. You find your small group of 2 or 3 just grew to 4 or 5. Just like desert conditions change, your struggle to contribute might grow now.
Consider a tip like another desert survival tip to rest every 30 minutes.
Phyllis Davis executive coach, The Rules Have Changed American Business Strategies for a Brave New World; the 30-day rule can help us be prepared. This sounds like a natural way for an introvert!
Share some impersonal information about events or interests in your life within a 30-day window on either side of the day of the conversation. In other words, tell people what event or interest happened to you within 30 days before “the day” and what will occur within 30 days from “that day.”
You can just paint a picture of who you are with broad brush strokes. For example:
– You read a certain book. Or you just bought a book to read.
– You’re taking a trip in three weeks. Or you just booked an upcoming trip for the weekend.
You likely get the idea of the 30-day rule. Just plan for this in your mind before you head to your next business or social conversation.
At first, new actions you take to contribute to a conversation may drain more energy out of you. When my son was hiking alone in the mountains last year I expressed concern about how we would know he was okay? Sure he was meeting up with a friend somewhere but what if that didn’t happen? Yes, I’m still a worrying mom even with a grown son who has his family.
If we were traveling in a desert of conversation we could use a similar personal tool to the tool he invested in to calm my nerves. Although my daughter-in-law says, he got it because he’s a gadget guy. In either case, these new personal locator beacons (PLBs), are emergency radio signal devices that communicate with satellites from anywhere on the globe.
Use your intuition as your own PLB and take a break! Excuse yourself in need of some water, or needing a restroom break or having to take a call. It doesn’t matter what you say about what break you are taking. The idea is to get on your own for a brief amount of minutes and recharge.
Maybe you’ve had times in your life, either business or social, where you’ve felt like you’ve mastered small talk or contributing to a conversation. Bad feelings can morph into confident ones when we take just one step in that direction like we’ve found the introvert conversation oasis.
Your thinking phrase, the 30-day rule and a break away are just three small steps.
What do you do if you have to think a bit before speaking?
How do you reduce your struggle to add to a conversation growing in numbers?
What do you do when you feel the energy drain in conversations?
There are 3 places to learn more about more ways to help you out of the desert conversation and find the oasis. Whether you prefer reading a book, video learning or text/chat coaching you’ll find your way at:
A book, my most recent, for you: Communication Toolkit for Introverts: https://bit.ly/CTIonPackt
Just 3 – minute daily video lessons for 30 days, Introverts: The Secrets to Workplace Success https://bit.ly/NooIntroverts
Expert guidance in community and private text/chat coaching, from free to fee:
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