Trick or treat? Personally, I’m tired of doing tricks and am ready for treats. Whether it’s a treat from someone or one I give myself, with Halloween on the calendar, there are Best 5 Monsters to Free Yourself of this Halloween.
Have you ever heard, “When you seek the truth, ask a wise woman?” No that is not me who I’m speaking about, but instead, it’s on the cover of my box of Wisdom of the Crone cards. It’s a gift one of my family members gave to me a few years ago.
Once in a while, I lift a card from this deck of 54 cards in addition to any other personal process that day, to help me recharge my energy. Today was one of those “help me I’m drowning,” I’m in overwhelm, kind of days. Overwhelm is a feeling; that’s it. Most of the time I bring it on or cause it myself.
This Crone deck card is one I’ve read before, and I get it on an intellectual basis: acceptance.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Acceptance.
But maybe because of recent happenings in kind of a haunting way, the words of guidance were, well, haunting.
[Tweet “My #intention today is to live a fulfilled life, not a life full of monsters. “]
Best 5 Monsters to Free Yourself of this Halloween:
Shiny object habit – dull now
Sometimes it’s called shiny object syndrome. I don’t know who termed it, but it seems quite prevalent. Whatever you call it, it is finished in my life. And maybe, you don’t have the addiction. Terrific. Getting rid of it is about no more investing in becoming a millionaire, making six digits, and almost any “program” that promises what either is already present or we are already moving toward in our way.
I’m all for self-improvement but not at the cost of depriving ourselves to shine when we already have so much to offer as we are.
When we continue to go after something new, how can we be at peace with where we already are? It’s like a chase that won’t end. If we are more at peace with our acquired knowledge or experience, it seems we could be brighter, shinier and let that work for us right then and there.
Going after whatever the next brass ring is will only keep me on the not so merry-go-round over. The shiny object monster has outlived itself.
Anger – in or out
Anger and fear have their place, used sparingly not chronically. Maybe a speeding car is coming at you in the wrong direction – you better believe we want fear to help us react to save ourselves. Anger can be helpful in a situation that otherwise might make you someone’s doormat.
The other day my husband put words in my mouth, which were not even close to what I was saying. In the last year he’s been doing this more and more, and on this occasion, it just got to me like no time before.
Today people don’t listen behind a newspaper but on their smart device or computer. I asked “How did you interpret what I said to that? Could you explain?” When he started scrolling through his browser window and saying, “You know,” I just lost it.
Did that multi-tasking behavior help bring us closer to understanding?
If you thought, no, I know you understand.
Put the phone down. Close your browser window. We’ve had some misunderstanding, and you’re about ready to sweep it under a doormat. My doormat.
He never could explain what he heard me say. And unfortunately, my anger was the only thing in the end that prompted him to say, two things, “Okay I can’t say why I thought you made that remark,” and “Okay I wasn’t listening.”
Processed foods and sugar – less is better
It’s been years, maybe 10 or more since I’ve had soda. Maybe about five years since we gave up fruit juice. Yes, even orange juice.
Sugar is in many foods. Unless you have no access to any news, like an extreme introvert avoiding even the external stimulation of news, then you know … [Tweet “Sugar is a killer of monster size. #infographic via @mercola”]
This one is going to take resolve and persistence. Maybe do just one favorite health killer at a time. I love my flavored coffee creamer. Just as much as I like the occasional crunch with a sandwich, it’s time that chips, crackers, and more have to go.
More or less engagement
We’re engaged with people more often, and with more people. If it’s not in-person, it’s online. So how come our smart devices aren’t talented enough to know when enough is enough?
More frequently now, my husband brings this to my attention. I just mentioned a recent event that took the lid off my anger. Often we’ll be headed to dinner. Once we talked on this at least weekly trip for date night, but now he’s on his damn phone constantly.
It’s annoying. It’s like a disconnect for me.
More engagement is a big monster. Maybe it’s this way because I’m more of an introvert? Chime in my extrovert friends.
Maybe this technology cannot tame the greater degree of engagement.
Grow a tree or plant a seed
About two years ago I accepted a publisher’s proposal to me to write a book. Yes, you read that correctly although let me say it differently.
Last year a publisher asked me to consider writing a book for a new division and I took about a year to do so. They are close to releasing Communication Toolkit for Introverts now.
I realized at the end of the majority of my work in the project; I didn’t know what I wanted to do with this book. After you plant a tree, the book, what’s next? Back to speaking? Back to coaching? Sell lots of books?
It took hiring a coach to be okay with letting whatever unfolds with this work to find me. That means the book can be more of a seed. This attitude is a huge shift for someone who likes to know what she is doing.
It’s time for at least these monsters to go now – bright shiny objects, anger when it’s needed, processed foods, more connections and growing trees.
It’s time to be at peace with where I am, and where I might go. Monsters get outta here.
Originally posted as Get Rid of 5 Monsters Now, Oct 2014
What are your monsters? Are you ready to let them go?
Very sound advice for negotiating those tougher moments!!
Vijay
Thank you Vijay. Do you have any monsters – those tougher moments.
Well I have a few monsters..procrastination…i leave things and forget about them…frustration…negative thinking…getting easily annoyed at times…I just go with the flow and take on the beasties as much as I can!
I can relate to two of your monsters–sugar and processed foods–because I live with someone who eats them. Rearranging the food storage in my kitchen was the only way I could stick with abstinence from them. Let’s just say I’m vegan until I have pizza on the thinnest crust ever. It rivals a thick tortilla, and last week I used one to make a spinach pizza instead of pepperoni.
What a great cure to the sugar and processed foods monster Deidre!
I have to say that just hearing the word – pizza – makes my mouth water. My husband ordered some gluten free pizza kits from a high school student in our neighborhood. They are absolutely deliciious. Thanks!
Anger can definitely come in handy. A fantastic example is one I heard recently. Someone I went to high school with were woken up in the middle of the night by burglers who were in her flat. For some reason she didn’t get afraid. Instead she got angry, stormed out and screamed “What are you doing here! Get out! And they did and were caught by the police a couple of hours later. What would have happened if she had instead been afraid? Scary to even contemplate, isn’t it:-)
Catarina that is a great example of using anger in a helpful way! And yes, if she had not harnessed that fear, well, I think the end of the story you are retelling would be different. Thanks.
I share some of these monsters. There are times when I think I have conquered them and then they come back to bite me in the back side. It’s a struggle, but I keep working on it.
Cheryl, I’m hoping this time through, at least one more for me stays away! I’m not looking to get rid of them all at once. I can hope, but it’s not practical. Thanks.
I think we probably all have seen these monsters at one time or another. My monster is impatience – I want to get things done and done now. then I need to stop and think I will do what I can, when I can. The monster may slink away but always returns.
Slink away only to return. Yes, I get that. I want to iradicate them one by one and that means, patience. Thanks Lenie.
I like those cards. I love inspiration things and daily affirmations. I am in the process of letting my monsters go. It’s hard and I can relate to the situation with your husband. As an active member of Al-Anon, I try to live by one of their favorite sayings, “One day at a time.” I can no longer worry about what will occur next week or next year. But I can be focused on today. We cannot control anyone other than ourselves. Something that is important, but very, very difficult to accept. Nice post.
Great reminder for me Laurie! Very familiar with Al-Anon, but it’s been years since I’ve attended any meeting. These days in particular, “one day at a time” is crucial to sanity!
This is a great post which can be useful in setting New Year’s resolutions and one’s we don’t give up on after only three weeks. I totally agree with allowing your book to be a seed that unfolds naturally. I find that setting an intention to simply allow things to unfold naturally, produces some miraculous results which are very empowering. One day at a time is what we are given, and for good reason.
Michele you are soooo right – can work for New Year’s too. I’m a slow SLOW learner on the one day at a time. Thanks for planting a seed of taking this in a different direction for a future post.
This is a wonderful post Patricia. Those monsters can haunt me as well and I work and banishing them, but once in a while I believe they come back to all of us. Keeping them at bay is a challenge, but I find that I can’t give up trying to ban them forever. Oh…the bright shiny objects left a long time ago, never to return! The book and the seed is perfect example! Letting it unfold is so wise…one day at a time.
Eventually keeping them at distance has to turn into ridding them, doesn’t it Jacqueline? You did it with the bright shiny objects – awesome. What’s the secret. Thanks.
I like thinking of the things robbing us of peace as monsters we need to let go. Impatience and self-doubt are two of my biggest monsters. I’m not sure how easily they’re going to leave my house.
Donna, mine are not going to go easily. They are used to living with me! It’s just I prefer not always have them hanging around.
Good one Patricia! I have a few monsters that need to be exorcised. I sometimes have anger issues and say things I should not. I have worked on it for years, and I’m getting better but I still have those outbursts. I’m also guilty of undervaluing myself, especially when things don’t work out for me.
Progress DC, is what I am going for. With some things I am making headway and with others, fighting a headwind. My intention is total – exorcism though! Thanks for that word.
Hi Patricia,
I have a doozy of a monster…fear of the unknown. That’s kept me from trying new things in my work life. I’m progressing with baby steps but it really has a hold on me. I can’t wait to celebrate the day I finally overcome…keeping the faith :).
Great post. Happy Monday Patricia.
Corina that is a doozy, and not in a good classic car Deusy way either. But those baby steps can eventually turn into leaps and then, there you are, in celebration mode. Maybe get someone to hold you accountable to the next unknown fear monster.
Patricia- I think the monster for me that I that I gave up is trying to prove myself to others. I wanted the approval of my father. He died before I started my own business and I regretted for years that I couldn’t go to him and say “look at me”. For years it haunted me. That monster is gone and I no longer feel I have to prove myself to anyone. I am who I am now and I must say that I am happy.
Arleen that’s a huge one. It’s those kind of family belief monsters that can be the most difficult to get rid of. Congratulations that this one is gone. Happiness is the best place you can be with it.
Congratulations on your book! And yes, viewing your first book as the “seed” is a wise approach because anyone who decides to take on the business of being an author learns very quickly learns that the key to success (outside of writing a really great book) is to keep writing.
I don’t know if I’d call it a monster, but my biggest challenge this year came about because I decided to close an already successful personal growth blog and launch a new website more focused on my passion – emotional resilience. Love the site, but it’s taken a lot of time and energy to get it set up the way i wanted and start building traffic and a new brand. I’m finally at the point of being able to get back to my writing and it’s a great feeling! Good luck with your initiatives and thanks for the inspiration.
Marquita knowing how to exactly expressing our passion and making a decision to take a different path would certainly be a monster. It sounds like your time and energy is moving you so far away from the old useless monster into something that is going to keep you happy for long time to come. Thanks!
Media distractions definitely can be a monster, and boy can I relate to your statement of your husband often being on his damn phone. One rule my husband I try our best to stick to is not not use our phones when dining out, but I think of the other times the phone also comes between us (mine or his). People just don’t interact like they used to for better or worse. One thing I love most about being back in Idaho is how we can still go camping and often have no cell service. Well expect for the area around Sun Valley, but that’s not really Idaho at all 😉
I’m quite sure that benefit you’ve found in being back in Idaho, is a similar benefit my son takes advantage of in the mountains of Seattle WA. I’m not sure what’s worst, men or cell phones. May be a tie! Thanks Jeri.
Now if we could just make caricatures of those monsters, impale them on a stake and put them on the front lawn for Halloween.
Fiverr is bound to have someone with that talent and time Ken! Thanks for a great idea.
Oh I’ve got a few monsters Im trying my darndest to kick out of my life. Chocolate, ok well maybe not entirely, but the chocolate overload i regularly partake in. Or empty calories without the corresponding exercise to burn them off. And I’m at times a little too trusting to the point of being taken advantage of. I’d like to nip that in the bud. 🙂
That trust one is big for many people. If anyone can kick any monsters out, it’s you Susan!
Nice post patricia, geting rid of 5 monster. There can be more to that though.
Of course there’s more to in Mazino! That’s why they are monsters – ugly, huge and frightening – and not bad habits. Thanks for that reminded!
Hello Patrica
Congratulations for your book
I have some monsters with me that I want to get rid of and those monsters are anger , fear and soft drinks and these phone calls.
I hope some day I will get rid of them or at least improve them.
Thank you andleeb for the congrats. Sounds like monsters and even trouble. That’s how I often think of the telephone – a little trouble maker. Thanks!
I’ve given up (mostly) comparing myself to others. I’ve lived a good life, been fairly successful but I didn’t end up with a million-dollar bank account. So what? I have a loving circle of friends and family, partake of all the wonderful things my great New City has to offer. What more could I want out of life?
I can hear it in you Jeannette: wisdom. I love asking “What more could I want out of life?” and just after you’ve identified the more important parts of it. Thanks!
I would say my biggest monster is my inner self-critic. I eat little sugar and almost no processed food, but I try not to let my inner critic bother me too much when I eat one piece of chocolate. Or two.
Leora, time to tame that monster for sure. It’s finding sugar in places you would NEVER expect – who KNEW yogurt was loaded with it. Geez.
OOoh shiny object addiction! Yes I have definitely suffered from that and still do sometimes. Impatience and anger are much better since becoming a mother and doing after-school daycare. One look at a small child’s face when you’ve lost it because things are going according to the schedule YOU devised makes you realize some things are more important than being on time or…I am definitely trying to cut out the sugar and eat better (home made carrot soup for lunch!)
In the end, like so many of us, I’m a work in progress with some days better than others.
Pat isn’t it amazing how we can learn from children? Well, except for about how much sugar or processed foods to eat! Work in progress everyday. Thanks.
Wow, so it’s almost like turning Halloween into New Year’s, with monsters instead of resolutions. : )) Dealing with anger is hard for the best of us, and it’s an ongoing process for me. One thing for sure – you can’t keep it inside. Expressing it in a healthy way is so important – and so challenging! You sure are brave to give up processed foods and sugar when all that Halloween candy will be going on sale in a couple of days!
Krystyna giving up anything will always have a better wait time. I figure if I can do it when it’s harder, I end up more resolved and further ahead with my intention. Thanks.
Yep, those monsters we would like to be rid of but somehow I think they may all have a silver lining to them. Just a matter of figuring it out.
Tim that’s probably true. That’s one reason I brought up the anger monster. Sometimes, releasing anger is necessary. Better than letting it bottle up just to boil over. Thanks.
I share some of these monsters as well. For the last few years I have been working on eating healthy. The only time I have a soda is if I have some some whiskey. Processed foods is another story, but I can say that I am getting better.
Jason I LOVE this: only have soda with whiskey. So I wonder if whiskey is the answer? LOL. Thanks.
Hi Patricia,
My biggest monster is…dum, dum, DUM!!! EVIL PROCRASTINATION!!
This evil presence has forced me to delay projects, respond late and made me day dream for hours. EVIL 🙁
It’s just ‘starting’. But what work great for me now is to start the night before. Even if it’s just a paragraph of a few sentences – The next day I can just pick up where I felt rather than twiddling my thumbs.
Naomi
Naomi, it sounds like you know what evil lurks around you! But my sense is, you also know how to wave the wand or scoot it out the door. I love that you said, you just START. That is often the situation with procrastination: give it an inch and it takes you over. But with your place, you’ll keep on moving forward. Thanks.
Hi Patricia! Congratulations on the finished project! I hope it’ll be a fruitful seed. These are some interesting monsters. I just finished a blog post about sweeteners they are monsters. My monsters are probably impatience. It keeps me from seeing how far I’ve come and what blessings I have right now. Nice post.
Thank you Angela. Sounds like you know first hand about the horrors of sweeteners. Still, they are in everything! Impatience. That one takes a while so – be patient!
As an update, now that I’m living in Florida, I’ve become more content with my life. I’ve learned there’s life after NY. Still self-imposed stress, although that’s lessening, but I don’t have the stress imposed by big city life. The monster out of my life is that I’ve made the life choice that I was struggling with for a couple of of years. Great to have decisions behind you.
What a great article, thank you. I think it is important to recognize the monsters-things that will set you back. When you can figure that out then anything is possible.
Richard Benchimol
Leads Indeed http://www.leadsindeed.com