There is an article titled, Can An Introvert Get Referrals?, which on reflection I found myself in disagreement. How do we get to equating introversion with inaction? I’m an INTJ and while that particular Meyers Briggs combination may make me a rare kind of introvert, I’m an introvert none the less. I just happen to disagree with the author that the hardest part of the relationship process, for introverts, is taking the first step. What is possibly happening to draw this conclusion? Here’s my take:
First, a cartoon that appears with the article is incorrect; introverts don’t hate people. And, we aren’t shy either. We are just guarded about our time with others because that outward activity can drain us of personal energy. The cartoon made me wonder if the author is possibly introverted to the degree of wanting nothing to do with people, which isn’t the norm. Or also quite possibly is a shy introvert too. Or that the author isn’t an introvert at all anyway.
Second, the author has a narrow definition of what actions are. I think what might be truer than his saying, “The hardest part of the process [meeting people], for introverts, is taking the first step,” is that it’s hard for introverts to take the same first step as someone more extroverted might take. In meeting people, an introvert will typically analyze the situation – is there a compelling enough reason to want to connect further? It’s also possible that someone more introverted wants to find out more about the person through other connections before talking further. As an introvert, I’ll often take those next steps identified by the author, after steps that I am suit my curious and contemplative nature.
Then, at the end of the article, it seems to me the author offers even more misguided advice. He suggests that introverts don’t pick up the telephone or have coffee or lunch with an old school classmate or someone they met in another venue as an ideal way to get more referrals. Well the truth is, most introverts do have deep enough relationships with a smaller circle of people in this respect that it would be comfortable for them.
If the author’s intent was to encourage introverts to step up to anything, for me, I step up to my disagreement with his overall message. How degrading to start with a cartoon that simply perpetuates a negative myth; we’re not shy and we certainly do not hate people. And then to add to the indignity of by telling what first steps should be. There is more than one way to Rome isn’t there?
What do you think of the article? Is it mostly true for you? Or do you disagree?
I took the cartoon in fun, to me it was just an attention-grabber to get you to read. I the article, I liked the line:
“An interested introvert can build better relationships than an interesting extrovert.”
I appreciate your insights on what it really means to be an introvert–that it doesn’t automatically mean “anti-social”. In your post, I especially liked the line:
“We are just guarded about our time with others because that outward activity can drain us of personal energy.”
Very helpful food for thought.
Thanks, Bill
As an INTJ also I agree with you that the article is off base on some points. Thanks for sticking up for us.
Pun of the post:
Tennis players don’t marry. Love means Nothing to them. #pun
Jim, I call it as I read it. You punny man!
Tahoe Bill, first I love your website. I suppose the article WOULD be funnier if there weren’t so many myths about introverts that keep them stuck. And yes; the author’s line about interested introverts was excellent!