Networking – How to Bridge Reluctance By Being Helpful and Asking for Help

An introvert who networks for business asked me,

“I was thinking about your ebook and how you said that people often go to networking events with the wrong attitude. And it got me to thinking … I’ve been able to think about networking in a more positive light because I’ve reframed them as being opportunities to help other people. But I wonder if I’ve taken that a few steps too far. As in, I’m there to help everyone else but I’m not asking for what I need. I like the idea of networking as a means to help others because then it doesn’t feel so forced and yucky, but maybe I’m selling myself short.”

It is absolutely a more comfortable reframe to help other people first. Not to mention it’s a more attractive way to be. But asking for what you want has to go hand-in-hand or it creates unbalance in the process.

Introvert and extrovert alike who adapt the helping the “prospect” or “customer” first often drop that other side in the process: asking for help for themselves. You want to find that comfort, drop away the forced feeling, to be able to network first, and then bring in your clarity and confidence to ask for what you want. If you may have gone overboard with being the helper, you need something to bridge the gap to helping others and at the same time, help yourself so you don’t sell yourself short.

1- Think broad about how other people can help you. We have a life beyond business; well many people do! I do. Sometimes I’m looking for prospects, connectors, JVs – business; other times I need a new plumber or electrician or housekeeper. Sometimes I need to find a resource and help with direction. Sometimes I need a couple of things! Find what you need and ask.

As an introvert, I find it important to think through ALL those ‘life wheel” areas on occasion, prioritize them and ask myself before I network “What do I need to be ASKing for?”

2- If YOU believe you have met someone who is either a prospect or can be a connector for them, tell them you’d like to know MORE about them; invite them to find that out over breakfast, coffee, whatever. Networking as you know is not the time for selling and telling. Use it to position people to your next step.

3- Do you offer teleseminars or in-person workshops? Another bridge to get what you want (I do this all the time) is to invite them to attend an event you are hosting. You’re getting to know them better, if they come they are still a suspect and your work can them move them further into helping them as a paying customer position.

4- Before you go to the next networking event, recall a time you did ask for help – the whole thing and the outcome was so positive it made you want to shout out “Hooray,” in vivid detail like you have here except, hear it, feel it, see it. Then anchor that great feeling state to you – maybe use the ok sign to trigger it for you. When you are in a networking situation, going along being of help first, when you find yourself hesitating to ask for what you want even thinking, “this is a good segue” fire off the anchor (like the OK sign) and then you will be right where you want to be, in a state of feeling good, with asking.

What about you? How do you bridge being helpful to asking for help?