Do we all have pet peeves?
Maybe your pet peeves are around social media, family, friends or work. We likely all have one for every area in our life. But these are just not healthy for us.
This week on Martin Luther King holiday my husband and I took the day off and headed to the movie theatre. That is where one of my biggest pet peeves showed up: people who do not silence their cell phones.
It was a delight to hear at least half a dozen pre-show reminders to – silence cell phones, don’t text, don’t call. The theatre had it all covered on the big screen for all to see and hear. They repeated it and repeated it. I just had to let the feeling around my anxiousness that this would happen go.
It worked too.
No cell phones ringing.
No signs of texting from where I sat.
Pet peeves are as bad as you think.
I recently read that anxious is being fearful of what might happen in the future, and anxiety is worrying about the past. They both rob you of peace. They each come into play when we let pet peeves get the better of us.
One study concluded “Pet peeves were negatively correlated with relationship satisfaction, well-being, and mindfulness.”
So what do we do?
First identify your top pet peeves. You know them because they are always surfacing in your mind like on my day in the theatre.
Then identify what you will do to minimize or eradicate them.
Here is a list of my top ten pet peeves:
Cell phone and text use at the movie theatre. Let the theatre staff deal with it.
People who connect with you and don’t move the conversation forward. For business people this spells disaster. I will just keep role modeling what it is and hope people catch on.
When I don’t think before I open my mouth to speak. It’s better I stay true to my nature. It might be just a gentle reminder to myself to – stop, think and say it like it is. The “say it like it is” is definitely me.
People who talk like they know-it-all. I’ll take a deep breath while they are going let them babble hoping it will allow me to find something about what they are saying that I like.
Being around negative people. I guess I have to be asking them a couple of “coaching” kind of questions. That usually shifts it for me anyway.
Speakers who use a lot of ums, ahs, like and “know what I mean” kind of distracting phrases. I’m going to go back to what used to work for me: creating a tally card where I can count out their phrases and distract me from the issue.
People who text a book chapter of what they want to say. I’m going to continue to be direct with this one and just text the person a reply saying, “This is too long for text conversation. Email me if you want to discuss further.”
Loud cell phone conversations out in public. This is where technology and lack of manners intersect the most in the digital age. Sigh. Do I have to give in to this one?
Poor, slow or unfriendly service in restaurants. This is one that has plagued me for years. I’m not sure if my action of just leaving a low tip makes any difference. But it makes me feel justified. By the way, I often tip 25% when the service and dining experience is extraordinary. What about you?
People who ride their bicycles in the street when there is a clearly marked bike trail. It always makes me wonder – can they not read? Are they just pompous? What is their issue? It’s likely another one I have to get over.
Oh man… You seriously do not want to get me started on this subject. One of my pet peeves came at me full force this week. Ignorance I handle. Incompetence I cannot. I had to deal with incompetence this week more than once (same person) and by the end of the week I was ready to hurt someone.
Oh dear Cheryl! Sounds like this pet peeve is something to get under control! I’m sure you’re kidding about hurting someone else and whether or not that’s true, it sounds like there is a lot of personal energy wasted on this pet peeve.
Of course I would not hurt anyone. I am such a laid back person that it takes a lot to even get me to speak loudly. I realize that I have wasted energy on people who do not deserve it, but being incompetent at a job you should be competent at really gets under my skin.
Hm. A big pet peeve for me is people who “know everything.” I mean, they really do, don’t they? My response is usually to ignore their complete and total knowledge, especially if I disagree with them.
I suppose this is like your “People who talk like they know-it-all.”
Yes Leora, I think the pet peeve you shared and the one I mentioned in my list here, is similar. Ignore – and if that’s working for you to lessen it, then great!
My pet peeve – people who text while driving a vehicle. They end up in my lane way to often. I also have a problem with people texting while visiting . a new age phenomenon and one that I don’t think I’ll ever get over..
Wow Lenie. That’s a pet peeve that can kill isn’t it? I don’t know how this one will come under control. I do see many states putting laws to try and do that. Not sure how much people who do this are listening to the real horrors of this.
Some of my main ones have already been covered Patricia, but here’s another.
When salesmen (mostly) say to hubby and self, “What can I do for you guys?” or “See you, guys”. When the opportunity presents, have started saying, “Didn’t your mother teach you the difference between guys and gals, dear?”, complete with the sweetest little old lady smile I can muster.
And the other bit they usually tack on the end – “Have a good one.”
I’m sure I would if I only knew what it is I’m meant to have?
Have a good “what?” My husband can’t tolerate that one. I wonder if the “you guys” is a regional thing? I’m from New York and I still have that phrase come out of my mouth every once in a while. Yikes! Now I will be conscious to tone it down more lest someone else has that pet peeve on their radar screen. Thanks Christine.
Wow, you could really get people going on this topic, Patricia. I share a lot of the same pet peeves as all of you. Most of my other peeves revolve around something being empty…you know toilet paper, ice cube trays, milk jugs. What I really hate, being not the only cook in the house, is when I begin to cook a recipe and half way through realize someone used one of the ingredients almost entirely up and put the container back. Argh…middle of cooking , mad dash to store. Now that is a peeve. Lol
My husband has just 2 dishes he cooks and they ARE delicious. But as you say, you’ve got to remember that because apparently, someone else in the house who cooks is likely not going to remember to tell you, “Hey I used up the paprika” and now you need it! Pet peeve for sure!
Patricia, love the clarification of the difference between anxiety and anxious. As for pet peeves, there isn’t enough character space in this comment section.
Kire I had to look up the definition of anxious vs anxiety beyond the dictionary because I wanted to know what I was experiencing in my own pet peeves! One post, like one comment, isn’t really enough to – vent it all!
I think we could create an anthology on this topic! Rude drivers, people who hurt with intention…by action or by word. NOT cleaning the sweat off of gym equipment, in your face salespeople who have no concern if their product can benefit you in any way, telemarketers who call…in spite of you being on the Do Not Call List, and insist they aren’t selling anything….oh my…I fear there isn’t enough space here:)
Take deep breaths Jacqueline! And let it go, hahahaha. Pet peeves are really tough for me to let go of but I am committed to doing it this year. It can interferes with my meditation.
I am also greatly disturbed by over use of cell phones at places where they are not needed. I am math teacher but mostly I tell my students about many disadvantages of over usage of cell phones. As we all know that excess of everything is bad, so this is one thing that has exceeded from excess as well.
My pet peeve also includes those who think that they are the only source of knowledge and what they say is always right.
Anyone who do not give respect to women really annoys me.
The list is very long. I always try to stay away form my cell phones where I am asked for. You will be surprised that I do not take my cell phone during my lecture. If I can not practice this , how can I teach my student to stay away from it.
Over use and the loud volume are my pet peeves too Anna. These that we mentioned can also erode our patience, which I see you are blogging about now. Thanks!
The loud cell phone talking is one that drives me crazy, especially when your in a confined area like a train or bus. Another that drives me up the wall is when you are waiting on line at a store, this happens to me most often at our local bakery, and the person in front of you waits until he or she gets to the front of the line and then calls somebody to describe what’s available and to see what they want. Argh!!!!!
OMG – does that happen in your backyard too? Where people wait until they are at the front of line to ask their questions? This just happened to me in our local office supply store this weekend. Talk about peeved. Thanks Ken.
The loud cell phone talking is one that drives me crazy, especially when your in a confined area like a train or bus. Another that drives me up the wall is when you are waiting on line at a store, this happens to me most often at our local bakery, and the person in front of you waits until he or she gets to the front of the line and then calls somebody to describe what’s available and to see what they want. Argh!!!!!
Isn’t it funny Ken how sometimes with all the good of technology like cell phones, as people, we don’t seem to advance in the same “good” direction? Somehow some of us have managed to turn something great into an annoyance that is a pet peeve for so many.
My biggest pet peeve is when someone starts to talk to you about a book you want to read or a movie you want to see. You ask them to stop because you want to read or see it. They smile and keep talking swearing they will not give away anything important. What they don’t understand is it’s not the important details that make a story; it’s all the details, important to them or not. Man that ticks me off 🙂
Oh that is a pet peeve of mine. I’ve wondered why though and you state it so clearly – it is about ALL the details. With my friends who like to do this, I’ve often said to them, “Only what you can tell me in 30 seconds.” That usually stops them and calms me down. Thanks Tim.
You’re generous in allowing 30 seconds Patricia.
hi pat; such a great post. i especially like how human you are in this one. you obviously struggle with them and have had to come up with techniques to save yourself. so thanks for sharing them. i can just picture your tally card. its like a score card for baseball fans. i have to watch myself when talking on my cell phone. if talking to someone i wanted to hear from i tend to get loud. so i leave my phone at home when visiting the doctor going to a movie or eating in a restaurant. it drives my family crazy. they don’t understand how i can go without it. of course i can’t play games on it and i suck at texting period. i have a problem with negative people mainly because i know how damaging they can be to me and my goals. but my biggest one is when people especially family don’t listen to me as carefully as i listen to them. this is compounded if someone doesn’t remember what i told them before and i have to tell them several times. uggh thanks for sharing, max ps i too sometimes think about coaching questions with people. that and smacking them or running to the next room
We have to have solutions to what our pet peeves are Max or as so many people say here (in one way or another), we want to SMACK someone! Better to minimize our personal frustration however we are able and still maintain civility! hahaha Thanks.
I’m with you on that epic text message one! Have people forgotten how to use email? I think one of mine is people talking on their phone at the checkout while the checker is trying to help them. So rude!
LOL. Looks like your pet peeve brings so company with it Meredith. Have you ever experienced like I have, where the CHECKER at the checkout is the one talking on THEIR cell phone? Now that is just plain silly management. It goes beyond a pet peeve.
Guilty as charged! There are of course things and behaviors that annoy me – how much usually depends on my overall mood at the time which is normally pretty upbeat. But as far as pet peeves I’d have to say the 2 at the top of my list are people talking on cell phones for the benefit of everyone within 100 feet of where they are, and an issue involving drivers that’s a bit harder to explain. You know when you’re driving along on an open highway and you see a car at a cross street up ahead and they just sit there, and sit there … and then just before you get to the intersection they pull out in front of you going 10 miles an hour and you have to slam on the brakes. Yea, that one makes me CRAZY.
Marquita those car and cell phone pet peeves are so prevalent. You would think the perpetrators would get the message! I’m guilty and crazy but releasing these more and more. Thanks.
The loud cell talking drives me bonkers. I distract myself by deciding whether they are oblivious or wanting to take over the audio space. I also hate when people wait til they are being waited on in a store to look for their wallet. They didn’t expect to have to pay? I agree, Patricia: I tip over 20% for outstanding service.
This is funny: people waiting until they are being waited on to look for their wallet! So we’re both big tippers when the service warrants it? Cool. I wonder what a waitstaff pet peeve might be? Cheap tippers likely and they don’t even ask “why?” Thanks Beth.
Bikers bother me. I can’t stand them being in the road. I feel like I’m going to hit them.
Krystle I am always saying to myself, these bikes have their own path and I wonder if the driver sees it? Indeed this pet peeve is about a safety issue. Thanks.
I think people’s pet peeves are being confused with just good old plain common courtesy. For me, mine is people who drive with their stereos blasting. What makes them think I want to hear their music, especially when I am two blocks away?
William I would say that some people’s pet peeves relate to common courtesy. Others like, negative people or public speakers who use a lot of filler no-meaning phrases, those are something else. Don’t you love it in the summer when some of us have our car windows open and then BLASTS of music! I get it! I usually just close my window if it’s open and if it’s not, I immediately turn my own radio up enough for me to drown the perpetrator out. Thanks Bill.
Hands down my biggest pet peeve are men who won’t look me in the eye when they talk to me. I had an administrator like that and it drove me nuts. I just told myself it was his issue, but not mine, but it still bugs me.
I so get that one Jeri. It was most annoying with car salesMEN. What helped me to take control with it is my husband. He was so funny with the last one I had. We tend to shop together for MY car. When the salesman didn’t look at me once he quipped to him, “Don’t talk to me talk to HER. It’s her money.” In that moment, I knew it was something for me to let go of. You just run into people who are ignorant about what they do in some situations.
I share all of your pet peeves. I have learned, through growing older I guess, that it’s wasteful energy to worry about things you can’t change. So for the most part, things may bother me, but I just let them go. Except the people that check the time or to see if they have messages on their phone while in the movie theater, now that one still bugs me LOL
Hahaha Steve! I can always say, best to let go and save my energy, get more peace of mind, and then add – except for people who …. my pet peeve! Thanks.
Ready?
1: people who do not use a seat belt
2: people who just place a car seat on the bench without anchoring it properly
3: people who allow small children in the passenger seat and when they see a cop they quickly send the kid to the back seat
4: people who leave trash out all night before pick up and the next morning their trash has littered the street
5: professionals who do NOT shower in the morning or wear clean clothes. What message are you sending me?
6: people who look disapprovingly at you when you say you do not attend church but outisie their church’s walls they discriminate, use the word “immigrant” as a cuss word, and deny other people the right to be happy
7: store clerks who get paranoid the moment a child enters the store. Not every kid will wreck your displays!
8: store clerks who comment on your size with “you are so skinny we don’t have anything in that size.” I am not skinny just because I need everything in petite. I am SHORT and NOT SKINNY!
I could go on but I feel the negativity come up and that isn’t me.
Cheers!
Oh dear – let me count the ways Alice! hahaha. Thanks for that pet peeve list and I bet you hit those top triggers right here, and that most of us can relate to some of them.
I can relate to a number of pet peeves already mentioned. Something else that bothers me is the use of certain words that become common and overused in speech, aren’t necessary and really don’t fit when you think about it. Examples include “basically” (not used as much now as it was a number of years ago) and “literally”.
Donna that’s similar to my pet peeve about speakers who use filler phrases. I get what you are saying! Thanks.
I have a few pet peeves, but I try not to let them bother me much anymore. I’ve learned that life is too short to spend it being annoyed. It’s better to be a positive person and let the good energies flow!
Of course, I’m getting older now, too, so things don’t bug me like they once used to. 😉
Lorraine of course this is what I am going for – not let ANY of them bother me at ALL. But I’m not sure that with being a human being this perfection will be possible.
My personal pet peeve list is getting to be less and less thankfully so I get what you are saying. Thanks.
Pat — you hit a nerve with this post, witness all the comments. Many of them are my pet peeves, too. People talking loudly on their cell phones makes me crazy. Just the other day I was having lunch with a friend and a woman sitting alone having her lunch at the next table was having a very LOUD conversation. We asked her to tone it down.
Good for you speaking up Jeannette. This loud phone behavior is a major pet peeve for my husband. He’s like you, in an indirect fashion. He’ll turn to me and say how annoying or rude it is that someone is being so loud on their cell phone. Just loud enough, the other person actually hears him. But, they get the message.
Sometimes you can’t do anything about a pet peeve. For example, one of my biggest pet peeves is when my local grocery store stops carrying a favorite item. I’ll go up to a manager and ask her/him about the item, and the usual response is, “Sorry, it was a ‘slow mover’,” and I am…well, I know that this is a family blog, so let me just say that I am OL without the S. 🙂
I so get that one Andy! When one of our stores discontinues an item I like, I often wonder, “Was I weird because I liked it?” It’s one pet peeve you’ve brought to mind that I now realize, it has to go. That’s really not serving my self-esteem well at all.